Pensieve

Pensieve 23: The Most Important Person

Who are you? That person...never seemed to exist for me before, although when I first met him, he changed me permanently. That person, seemed only part of the background...or was he only? When that person says hello...so what, I thought...or did I think the opposite? That person...I don't know much about him..do I want to?. He wasn't my crush, not particularly handsome, not someone I dreamed about. That person...when he says something...it seems so trivial...yet I can't ignore him...I smile at him because he would be happy...but why? Then I started taking him seriously, and I became honest, so honest, to that mysterious person...but why? It seemed I could tell him a lot, how I wanted to share myself with him...but why? And how, when he's in pain, even if i don't have that saranghae feeling for him, how I help him...but why? Knowing he would be hurt...I give up a lot of things for him...but why? And how, so many times, I thought about him...but why? How drastic and bad and terrible I could be...if it would be for the good and happiness of that person...but why? And I never realized how much I was doing for him, never realized how I cared for him, never realized how many times I worried about him, because it was second nature to do so, natural, automatic, part of me. Who is he?...that mysterious person... Then we grew up and drifted apart, and I never looked for him, only remembered how hurt he was...and I hurt too...but why? And how many times I still thought of him...but why? Then I meet him again, and it's hello for me, demo, he only wanted to say goodbye. And I walked away, demo, I couldn't sleep. I kept wanting more of that person, it seemed so wrong to cut the connection with him, I couldn't put him behind in the past, it seemed I wanted him to be part of the future too. Trying to forget him was like trying to remove a part of myself. And then...a message..."I'm leaving" from him...and I started feeling as if my world would break, and there was that terrible feeling in my heart I never felt before and I cried as I never did about anyone before. So much pain, ah, a terrible pain, and a fear I never had before, all welling up my heart until it seemed it would burst, and all I could think of was running after him, begging him not to go, no matter how rude, no matter how improper. And then I finally realized, after decades of density...who that person really is. That mysterious person...is my most important person. And when he smiled, turned around, and held my hand, I felt something click, and it sounded like the promise of a lifetime. And it all seemed natural, as if that person, was a part of me all along.