Haven Uprising

I Remember Why I Hate Going to Sleep

I opened my eyes and I was standing in an orangey dust storm that undulated around me. I couldn't feel anything. In front of me stood someone who looked vaguely familiar.
"I don't like you," She said.
Her voice was like mine, almost exactly the same, but with something different.
I looked at her face.
She had my face.
"I don't like you either," I replied. I looked at her clothing, then mine. Neither of us were wearing anything.
"You're not one of them,"She told me,"What you are... I just can't accept you. Either you're right or you're not and you're just... Not."
"You tell me this every time I see you,"I shot back,"I know already."
"No matter what anyone tells you,"She continued, apparently not hearing,"You will always be a freak. A thing. Nobody will ever love you for who you are."
I looked down, dissappointed.
I'd expected this, especially from her.
I had a knife in my hand, not too ornate; something you might find in a kitchen. She had one too, exactly the same.
She spoke loudly, something different about her voice,"your memories; they aren-"
But then she stabbed me in the chest and I fell backwards. She dissapated into dust, my surroundings fading and disappearing.
And then my body was wrong and my knife had blood dripping down it. I was laying on my bed; not my bed now but my old bed.
There were cuts along both my arms, too straight and not painful enough to be from using my power.
I remembered this. All of this. Especially the pain.

Then the knife was gone and the cuts all over my body were open again and I was pulling on my power harder than I'd ever done before and I was screaming and it hurt but I was still doing it because I needed-
"Autumn!!!" It was Celestia's voice, but it couldn't be. She was never in these dreams. My eyes stayed closed,"Autumn, baby wake up please??"

I opened my eyes, finding myself curled up into a ball in my bed. The fairy lights strung around my room were on, and illuminated in their soft glow, Celestia stood near the door with a desperately concerned look on her face. She had a vest and panties on, but nothing else.
"Tia, I..."My speech faded. There wasn't much I could say.
"You were screaming so I came to check..,"She explained,"I- are you okay?"
I knew the answer to that question, and my silence told her too.
My entire body stung, and I knew some of the scars had opened up again.
My eyes felt wet and I was on the verge of full out crying in front of her.

She walked softly towards me, sitting on the side of the bed. I uncurled, trying to hide behind the covers except for the tiny setback that they were on the floor.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"She asked gently.
I couldn't tell her, not now, not ever. "I'd really rather not, if that's okay."
She replied,"It- don't worry."
We were silent for a while.
She picked up the covers and handed them to me, and I gratefully slid under them. I loved silk. So soft and smooth.

"Do you want me to stay with you? Because I can if you want me to,"She asked. I... Hadn't expected that.
"I- yes please,"I requested quietly,"If it's not too much trouble I mean."
"It's not, don't worry,"She assured, climbing in with me.

I made to restore the façade, but as my skin knitted back together another flash of pain shot through me, evoking a tiny gasp.
Celestia put her hand on my arm, and it just stopped.
"You don't have to hide, Autumn. Not from anyone. And especially not me."
A tear dripped down my cheek, as I dropped the facade again.

I leant back against her, my head against her chest.
She stroked a hand through my hair gently, and I felt her gaze still on me.
Not staring at the scars, just me.

"I have a few scars,"She divulged,"A lot smaller though."
She showed me the hand that wasn't stroking my hair.
On the back, there were paler areas around her knuckles that I'd noticed before, but never asked. It was rude to probe, especially about scars.

"I used to get into fights with almost anyone when I was small,"She explained,"And I loved punching shit, so y'know eventually these happened."
I was quiet for a second.

I didn't know if I should tell her about mine or not.

Her legs stroked against mine, her warm skin amazingly soft.

Oh fuck it, whatever.
"You know how before I said that my power was flexible?"I began.
Celestia nodded behind me,"Whenever I use it, it hurts me, and whenever I use it enough,"I gestured to the swirly pale lines in my skin."I can hide it, so I never told anyone. I- I'm sorry I never told you..."
She kept playing with my hair gently, and I closed my eyes in enjoyment.
"No wonder you don't use your power much. For anything big usually, I mean,"Celestia whispered in understanding,"What did you do that was so big...?"
I knew with her that answers to personal questions were always optional; she was nice like that.

But I couldn't tell her. Not now.
She'd probably accept me anyway but no matter how nice she was; and I trusted her a lot, more than anyone else I knew, I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them this.
I barely trusted myself.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,"She assured gently,"Just... When- if you're ever ready."
"Thank you,"I whispered,"For being so understanding."

We were silent for a while, just laying together. It must've been like two in the morning or something, and I was still tired.

On the verge of falling asleep in her arms, I heard her murmur,"love you."
Barely thinking, I replied,"love you too,"Before I drifted off into the welcome abyss of sleep.

The nightmares didn't bother me for the rest of the night.