Haven Uprising

Don't Hate Me Please

I don't know how long I spent crying.
It felt like an eternity just curled up there, but eventually I noticed that I wasn't asleep any more.

I opened my eyes, still wet with tears, and in the semi-darkness I saw Celestia curled up around me protectively.
Her eyes were open, and we just looked at each other, vastly different expressions on each of our faces.
Hers showing concern, probably about what I'd gone through.
Mine worry, about what she'd think of me. It couldn't be anything good.

I dropped my gaze first
"Autumn... I,"Celestia began
"Tia don't,"I interrupted,"I know I'm a murderer and I don't deserve someone like you, I-"
"Autumn,"She countered quietly and I stopped talking,"It was an accident wasn't it? It wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was, but I still did it! Lena was my best friend and I killed them,"I retorted,"Even if it was an accident, he's still dead because of me."
"But you can't blame yourself,"Celestia told me quietly,"You were playing, and you were like five. I mean admittedly it was kinda dangerous playing, but you can't punish yourself for something that happened like a decade and a half ago."

I sighed.
She was right.
But I'd still killed her. I was still a murderer. And she knew that.

"I love you Autumn. You know that, right?"Celestia whispered, wrapping an arm around me,"Your mistakes won't change that, because you're still my girlfriend and you're still my Autumn René."

Somehow that helped. A tiny bit, but something shifted, something felt lighter and I was a tiny bit more comfortable. I relaxed into her again.
And then for some heck darned reason I started crying again.
I felt like a fricking five year old.

"I- I don't want to hurt you,"I confessed quietly.
"You're not going to, baby,"Tia assured,"I trust you."

But there were still more things I hadn't told her. Still more secrets and I couldn't tell anyone.
Some being things that just hadn't ever come up; others that I'd outright lied about.

But even after all this would Celestia still trust me?
I knew I never deserved it.
I didn't deserve anything did I.
That tiny voice in my head that sounded like my mother agreed.
Why would anyone trust me.

"Your mother is a nasty ass bitch though,"She commented and I burst out laughing, even through the tears.
"Hell yeah,"I agreed.
"I hope I never have to see her in real life,"Celestia remarked.
"You won't, I got emancipated a while ago,"I supplied quietly,"Legally, and morally, she doesn't own me any more."
"Thank god, I can't even imagine what your childhood was like."

We were quiet for a while, just cuddling together. It was nice, just being held in the dark, knowing she was there to protect me.

"Autumn I have a confession to make,"Tia whispered after a while.
"Hmm?"I replied, still just enjoying cuddling
"Earlier... Me and Valkyrie didn't get you out because we were worried about you,"She spoke fast, like she was worried how I'd react. I knew how that felt,"Well we were worried about you but- I mean I know you can handle yourself fine but-"
"I know you got me out of there so Valkyrie wouldn't have to detonate the EMP,"I told her,"She told me earlier. I was wondering when or if you'd tell me, and thank you."
"I'm sorry, but there wasn't really any effective other way. But like at least it was probably only one pilot."

Oh shit.
She didn't know.

I pushed away from her, so that I could see her face.
"Valkyrie told me that all of them were piloted; not just one,"I said quietly,"She lied."

The look of horror on her face was evident as she realised what Vallyrie had done.

"So she- we killed fifteen or more people?"
I nodded guiltily.

"Fuck,"Celestia exclaimed,"I- didn't mean to-"
"It wasn't your fault,"I assured. I huddled up to her again, but her hold on me was less tight now.

"Where did you even go for most of the night, anyway?"I probed.
"Oh! About that; I meant to tell you,"She was excited. I loved when she was excited; she was so cute.
I looked up at her face, and she looked back happily.
"I met Morwenna!"
"Like the Morwenna?" Morwenna was one of the most well-known officials in Haven, and had been amazing at negotiating laws for freedom. She herself had personally overseen my emancipation, so I had a personal connection to her.

She was like middle-aged but she was a fricking badass

"She escaped?"I asked,"Didn't the utopian council get imprisoned?"
"Only the other members,"Tia explained,"Her and her wife weren't there when the takeover happened so they didn't get her."
"What did she say?"
"That's the complicated part, She's started a small rebellion and its gaining numbers fast. She should be able to overthrow the Syndicate soon."
"Is this rebellion...Violent?"I checked.
Tia hesitated, before pulling away from me again,"It kind of has to be, like how else do you counter a military takeover?"

"I don't want any part in any more violence,"I told her,"Like I get that it might be necessary to some extent, but I- I just can't. Not again."
"I understand,"Celestia said quietly,"That was why I didn't outright join without talking to you first."
She did that? For me??
"Thank you for talking to me first."

We were quiet again, going back to hugging.
I'm not sure why.
I mean I definately couldn't sleep after that dream.
Like we probably would've stayed like that for the rest of the night except for one thing.

"I need to pee,"I stated.
"Can you walk?"
"I... Maybe?"
I slipped off the bed and onto the floor, trying to stand.
I managed it. For a few seconds anyway.
Before falling.

"So now I have to carry you to the toilet?"
"Yes please."
"Uuuuuuugh fine."
"Love you."