MBTI

What not to do on a date with each type

ISTJ – Show up late and blame it on needing some last-minute “self-care” time. Then proceed to cry about your last breakup while begging them to console you and share their own breakup stories.

ISFJ – Show up late and proceed to root through their house, leaving food, dishes, and books haphazardly discarded in random areas. Tell them you just aren’t sure about a big commitment, but you’re going to give them the privilege of “hanging out” tonight. Then fall asleep on their couch.

ESTJ – Show up late, and when they confront you about it, get defensive and explain that you’re needing a lot of emotional support right now. Have drastic mood swings during the entire date and expect them to “just know” how to respond to your feelings.

ESFJ – Make big plans to go to a movie they’ve been dying to see. Then show up late so they miss the showing. When they get upset about your lack of follow-through, accuse them of not caring about you enough and being too emotional over a “silly movie”.

ISTP – Show up unexpectedly at their apartment and bring a day-planner so you can organize your future dates and social engagements for the next 30 days. Badger them about what they’ll be wearing to your dinner date with Aunt Thelma, and then get emotional and beg for reassurance when they say you’re “rushing things”.

ISFP – Take your date to a loud, grungy bar and drink way too much, drawing lots of attention to yourself (and them) in the process. When they express their discomfort, call them “too sensitive” and tell them they need to “lighten up”. Then get up on stage and serenade them with loud, off-key karaoke.

ESTP – Get tickets to one of their favorite band’s concerts. Just as the headlining band approaches the stage tell them you need to go home suddenly (and need a ride). Proceed to cry all the way home about your personal problems, and when they try to offer solutions berate them for “not listening well enough”. When they drop you off at your door, beg them tearfully to make a long-term commitment.

ESFP – Invite them and all their friends to a “party” you’re throwing at your home. At the party spend your time complaining loudly about politics, religion, and the “irresponsible” people of their age range/gender/political party. Make sure the music is somber and slow and the only snacks available are veggie trays. Then propose in front of their friends.

INTJ – Show up unexpectedly during a time when your partner is happily enjoying some peace and quiet. Proceed to vent about your personal problems, but tell them you don’t want any solutions, you want them to “just listen”. Make sure that you’re blaming all your problems on other people without taking any personal responsibility. Then compare your relationship to the relationship of a famous reality TV couple.

INFJ – Take them to a fancy restaurant, but then proceed to be rude to the waitress and nitpick about the cost of everything on the menu. Pick food off your date’s plate while bragging loudly about how much money you make using questionable ethics. Then sigh loudly when you see the bill and tell your date how “lucky” they are that you treated them to such a fancy night out.

ENTJ – Show up late and blame it on the fact that you “just had” to see what happened in the next episode of your favorite TV soap opera. Then spend the rest of your date talking about said soap opera and making comparisons between your date and the characters in the show. When your date (inevitably) criticizes your obsession, get overly emotional and draw lots of attention to yourself.

ENFJ – Show up late for a fun night out, and tell your date you just want to “talk”.  Proceed to sit in stony silence in the corner of the room, forcing them to make all the conversation. Give one-word answers to their questions and then accuse them of “not caring enough” when they can’t read your mind.  When they get visibly irritated at the experience, act surprised and tell them you just can’t deal with their “drama”.

INTP – Show up unexpectedly at their apartment and drag them to a loud, bustling party. When they seem uncomfortable, urge them to smile and tell them they need to “lighten up”. Afterwards, regale them with the latest celebrity gossip and ask them which Kardashian is their favorite. Whenever they start talking about anything theoretical, make patronizing remarks like, “that’s cute” or “you really believe that?! oh honey.”

INFP – Show up at their apartment uninvited and tell them you “need to have a talk”. Proceed to criticize their life path as an artist/poet/humanitarian and tell them they need to be more “realistic” about their goals. As they try to respond to your statement, flip through their bookshelf distractedly, shaking your head and making condescending comments about the books. Pick a particularly dog-eared, worn book and use it as a coaster for your coffee.

ENTP – Invite yourself on a dinner date with your partner and his friends. When they start to discuss an amazing new idea or theory, quickly call them out as “unrealistic” and explain condescendingly that “that’s just not how things are done”. Smirk loudly as they defend their perspectives and brush off all their arguments as “irrational” without explaining why they’re irrational. Throw in a lot of “cutesy” nicknames like “sugar lips” or “puppy” and then get offended and emotional when they don’t feel like planning a follow-up date.

ENFP – Invite them over to your house and sit them down to discuss how “unrealistic” their ideas and dreams are. Inform them of the importance of tradition and that they need to “remember their place” in society. When you finally give them a chance to discuss their perspective, interrupt them with unrelated flirtatious remarks and comments about how cute they are when they’re passionate about something.