The look in your eyes

01

Song- all the kids are depressed by Jeremy Zucker

"Hey lou" Liam hummed sweetly as he sat down at the round table. The table always seemed quite peaceful amongst the busy mayhem of the school lunch room. "It's so hot today, you still have your hoddie on. Are you feeling alright bub?" He asked with his classic furrowed eyebrow look that I was getting much too often nowadays. I felt sad. Of course I did. But aren't all the kids this sad? Isn't it normal?

I had know Liam since I was five years old and his genuinely caring nature made him like a mother. He noticed when I was having an off day or when I wanted someone to stop taking. This also meant the nickname 'bub' didn't even make me flinch. He's been calling me that since we were fourteen. I'm certain he doesn't call me this in any romantic way ever because he has a boyfriend, Zayn, who he is more than devoted than you could believe.

Zayn had come into the friendship group when we were 12. He very quickly became one of my best friends. So when they told me two years ago they had started dating, I was weary because what if they broke up and then it would split up the whole group. But in hindsight I'm so glad I didn't say anything because they are the cutest couple I've ever seen. I hope I find a bo- girl I hope I find a girl like that one day.

"Lou!" Liam says in a voice slightly louder than what he was using before. I crumbled under the demanding tone and curled into myself. Liam noticed, like he always does. "Sorry." He sighed sadly. "I was just asking if today's an off day but you seemed to go into a daze, so I suppose that answers my question. You can talk to me about it lou, I'm here for you." He said in a much gentle voice like I would break if he changed it. "Here, eat this." Liam suggested as he placed an apple in front of me.

I nodded as a thank you. We both knew I wouldn't fully digest the apple but before Liam could try and convince me to eat the apple a certain raven haired boy appeared behind the concerned boy and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Hey li. So I just ran into Emily Kass. She said she's having some party this Friday." He said with a smirk as he hurriedly sat down against Liam. "Wants us all to be there. especially Louis, she wants to get her tongue down your throat, I swear half the school wants to though. I wanted so badly to tell her you secretly play for the other team but I thought they knew that." He laughed thinking it was funny yet the smirk quickly ran off his face when Liam hit the others leg under the table.

"Zayn when are you going to stop with that? I told you I like girls. Strictly girls." I said confidently as my head dropped in cower. "Girls." I said weekly. I was really just trying to convince myself. I had come out to both Zayn and Liam at the beginning of the year but it was only after they caught me in some guys lap at a party across the road from my house. Somehow news got to my family and now I knew I wasn't gay. I liked girls. And only girls. Because being gay was wrong. So wrong.

I quickly got up and scurried out of the room. I was going to be sick at the thought of the day I came home to see my mum and dad coloured with anger.

Liam's POV

"Zee!" I said angrily smacking upside the head. "I told you! You can't make that joke. I know you think it's funny but it's not to him." I lectured as I knew my best friend sprinted off to find a bathroom.

"What do you think his parents did to him? Li, he shouldn't throw up every time we bring up the fact he came out to us at the beginning of this year and then disappeared for a week then came back saying he was just confused!" Zayn said with genuine concern. I didn't know Zayn also noticed. Considering I had known Louis since we were five I thought it was fair I noticed changes but I just never thought Zayn also noticed.

In honesty in the years I had known lou I hadn't been to his house and met his parents maybe 10 times. Over the past four years it had gotten worse however. Louis would barely eat. He never came out of his house and when he did he would most likely have an anxiety attack. I also never dared to look under the massive jumpers he had adopted in the past years. it was sad, truly. That's why I had made it my mission to make sure he knows he has comfort in me. That's why i always pay such close attention and notice every single flinch or shake. At this point he probably has more clothes at my house than Zayn. Most of the time louis will show up to my house with  dried tears on his face with a pair of sweat pants, a oversized jumper and either socks or nothing at all on his feet. The belongings he always seemed to grab was his phone and car keys, sometimes a sister.

I always let him in with no questions asked. A few times I had caught him pounding his face with a sponge before he came in the house or in my bathroom when he thought I wasn't looking. I had tried to talk to him about it many times but he always claimed it wasn't the right time. I wasn't dumb I know someone is hurting him but part of me doesn't want to admit that

"Maybe he was confused, baby. Just don't say it again, okay?" I responded after pulling myself out of my own thoughts.

Zayn nodded sadly. He knew I was very protective of Louis and he had never tried to ruin that, which I loved. "Where did he stay last night?" The boy asked softly. "He just seems off. He is usually like that after he randomly shows up on your doorstep in tears." He explained.

"Yeah, he came over last night. I think I'll get him to come straight home with me this afternoon as well. He seemed super shaken." I admitted sadly. It felt good to sometimes talk about some of my concerns todo with Lou but I was still shocked that Zayn picked up on as much as he did.

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And first chapter is out! Let me know what you think  : )