The look in your eyes

11

Song: feel something by clairo

Louis' pov
"Hey lou. I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry if I upset you in anyway. I know I probably ah messed up our friendship and I will totally understand if you ah don't want to be friends with me but i hope we can be friends. Alright that's all I had to say. I hope you got home safely. And yeah." I listened to the voice mail left at 2am. He was stuttering and his voice was tight. I felt bad. I truly did.

I pulled my knees under my chin and set my cheek on top of them. I just sat there for a moment thinking about the actions of yesterday. When I got home to Liam's I genuinely thought I was going to get beat up. It was a stupid fear but every time I got out of the thought I fell back down. I genuinely thought I was in that room with my parents.

I felt terrible that I put Liam and Zayn through that. I was eighteen years old, I shouldn't have needed two other eighteen year olds looking after me. I let that thought consume me for what must have been hours as I looked out the window.

It wasn't until I heard Liam walk into the room that I looked away. "Good morning lou. You feeling better?" He asked softly as if I'd break if he were any louder.

I nodded softly with a small smile to reassure my friend. "Sorry." I whispered. I wanted to speak up but my voice didn't let me.

Liam sent me a confused glance. "About what?" He asked genuinely.

"I come into your life and continuously fuck it up. The one night I get out of your hair I come crashing back into it a thousand times harder. I'm sorry." I chocked our finding it difficult not to cry at my own honesty. "I'm also just embarrassed I guess." I shrugged looking back over to the window.

"Hey, none of that." He whispers pulling me into a hug "They hurt you so much lou. More than you can admit to yourself. Everyone sees that lou. Nobody minds you being here. My mum and dad love you like a son. I absolutely love having you around. Plus I'd much prefer you be here, safe and healing, than at your house being hurt. Everyone agrees. There's also nothing to be embarrassed about, your attack last night was horrible but nobody cares because they get it." Liam explains with glossy eyes and a tight throat. "Can we talk about what caused it?" Liam asked seriously as he pulled away.

I nodded slowly even though it was what I was dreading most. "I went to Harry's. Everything was normal i didn't expect anything from it. I thought it was just friends hanging out. Then he kissed me." I recounted with a sad tone. I tried to suppress just how good it felt to kiss him. How much I longed for it again.

I saw Liam's body droop slightly. He was disappointed. "You do know, it is okay if you enjoyed it lou. You can like guys. Your parents words had so much bullshit behind them. None of it is true. I can't believe there is still people like them out there." He huffed beginning to get angry. It made me tense up because what if he hit me for believing it.

"Please don't shut Harry out. He is a good person. I don't think you are ready for a relationship but don't hurt him so that you can't explore something with him later. Tell him you want to go slow. Both me and you know, you're not straight." Liam begged truthfully. I knew he had a point. Deep down I did know I was gay yet I refused to acknowledge that but for right now I gave a small nod to ease Liam's mind however.

Liam let a smile spread on his face. "Good. Now let's go down. Zayn is waiting." He hummed happily pressing a kiss into the side of my head.

Harry's POV
I must have fallen asleep well past four am. I had been sobbing to Gemma all night about how confused and upset I was. Even though I had only known the boy for a while I had completely fallen for him. I felt betrayed on some level because he seemed to be reciprocating the feelings.

I was woken by a continental poking. When my eyes opened first thing I saw was Niall. "Go away Niall. Not in the mood." I groaned trying to push the boy away.

"Nup" he laughed flopping onto the other side of the bed. "It's 11:30 Haz. Time to get up. I don't care how heartbroken you are." He huffed sadly.

I rolled my eyes angrily and got up walking into my bathroom. I was a mess. My cheeks were blotchy. My eyes were red. The messy bun I had, had pieces falling out everywhere. I quickly checked my phone having no hope of a message. I was right. No message from lou.

"He probably just needs time H." I heard the familiar Irish voice hum. I looked up to see the boy standing by the doorway.

"Out of my bathroom." I huffed throwing the tissue box at him making sure I wasn't going to hurt him. He got the message and left the room.

I turned on the water letting it heat up. I took off my grey sweat pants and white t-shirt. I stepped into the warm water and let it run over my skin.

I didn't want to think of the blue eyed boy for the moment but only found my mind going back to him. His sweet scent. The few small tattoos he had scattered over his arm. His soft brown hair. His gorgeous eyes. His pretty smile and kissable lips.

The boy that would never love me.

I wanted so badly to go back to the party. Where it was just us. No tough exteriors. The party where we let go. Where I thought I had a chance.