The look in your eyes

10

Song: strawberries and cigarettes by Troye Sivan
(A message from Harry to Louis)

After a week and a half of sitting with Louis I got the courage to ask him to come to my house after school. The encounter was awkward but luckily Louis said yes. I was so thankful that he said yes, I would have been disappointed if he didn't.

My mum was practically ecstatic to meet the boy that I had been talking about non stop for weeks. When we first walked in the house my mum was nervously standing near the front door. "Hi Louis." She said happily when she pulled the front door open.

"Hi Mrs styles." He said politely sticking his hand out for her to shake it.

My mum shook her head lightly and took the boy into a hug. "It's twist but please call me Anne." She laughed happily pulling away. "I have cookies for you in the kitchen." I want to interject but she already guessed the question. "Yes, Haz, the vegan ones." She laughed leading us to the kitchen.

Louis laughed softly at the scene. "Your mum is lovely." He hummed softly so my mum didn't hear his kind words.

I shrugged thinking it wasn't that much. "I'm sure your mum is lovely too." But he seemed to tense up at it.

I decided to wave the reaction off and go on with the conversation. Over time I had learnt Louis was very smart and I needed help with English, that was the reason I asked him over in the first place.

I led the boy out to the small veranda of my room that had a little dainty table that could only seat two. I usually sat out there to study or do homework much like Gemma. I had brought the plate of cookies with us because in the kitchen Louis said he wasn't hungry but I thought he might be later on.

"So what do you need help with?" Louis asked happily as we sat down at the table. Today he was wearing a green Adidas hoodie. I had seen Liam wear it a few times but Louis claims to have stolen it from the boy. It explained why it was so big on him. He paired it with his usual black tracksuit pants.

We carried on studying until the sun began to set. Louis informed me that he would have to leave soon. It made me sad but I understood. I knew it was now or never to make my move. He had swept his backpack onto his back before standing awkwardly at my bedroom door. I flicked my eyes down to his lips. I threw my arm around his neck and kissed him as passionately as I possibly could. His lips were so soft. He tasted like cigarettes and strawberries.

Yet Louis never kissed back he just stood there stunned. He pulled away first and pushed me away from him slightly. "Harry, I'm straight. I'm sorry I have to go." He said with a shaky voice before sprinting down the stairs and out the front door.

I just fucked everything up.

Louis pov

I ran. I ran so fast. My whole body was shaking. I knew I had fucked up. My whole body felt dirty. Tears streamed down my face blurring my vision.

It was only a short distance from Harry's to Liam's place but at the speed I was running when I got there I was about ready to pass out.I fumbled with the key I was gifted a few days ago. I speed up the stairs as fast as I could so I could get to the bathroom.

I sat against the cool tiles hugging my knees to my chest. Then I begun pulling out my packet of cigarettes from my backpack. It was a nasty coping mechanism I had picked up. I brought a shaky hand to my mouth I knew I was about to have an anxiety attack but I was able to handle it enough if I was alone. I pushed open the window so the bathroom wouldn't fill with smoke.

It wasn't even a minute before Liam busted the locked open and fell down beside me throwing an arm around me. I clutched onto his arm burying face into it as I cried. I felt someone else pluck the lit cigarette out of my hand to presumably put it out.

My chest became tighter and I slowly lost control.

Liam's pov

"Fuck. okay, zee can you go get a glass of water for him. I don't know what could have happened." I huffed. My mind was racing a thousand places. Did he go home and get hurt. I hadn't seen him this bad in a while. The fact i didn't know why made it worse.

I knew he was going to pass out this time. He was breathing so shallowly. I needed to calm him. "Breath with me bub." I said putting his hand on my chest. "See you are here with me. You are safe. No one is going to hurt you." I said softly rubbing my hand over his. Usually I would ask him things but I knew his head was too much of a mess right now to ask. "Your here with me. Just focus on breathing bub." I said pulling off the wall so I could rub his back. He tried to stand up once again but I only pulled him back down gently. "No bub just focus on breathing for the minute. Can you tell me what happened?" I asked making sure to keep my breathing steady.

Every time we managed to calm lou he would just freak out all over again. It took two hours of calming from a mix of Zayn and I to calm Louis down enough to talk to him but he could barely keep his eyes open by that point. I lifted him gently and walked him to his bed where he fell asleep almost immediately.

I turned to see Zayn with a similar droopy look on his face. There was no way I could let him drive home like that. "How about you go get changed into something to sleep in and I'll ask my mum if you can stay?" I offered and the other nodded slowly.

I wandered down the stairs to find my mum cleaning the kitchen. "Mum, zee is super tired. I don't want him driving. Can he stay tonight? I'll leave the door open." I asked softly knowing half the house was asleep.

"Of course, love. It's Friday night after all." She approved sweetly. At some points I thought she loved Zayn more than me. "Is lou alright now? Do you know what brought it on? I came by before, you and Zayn deal with him so well." She asked. I knew she was only doing it out of concern.

I nodded softly as I leant against the counter. "He's alright now but I've never seen it that bad. He was too tired to talk about it. I will make sure to talk with him tomorrow when he knows he is safe. And thanks we've had a lot of practice with him." I explained sadly.

My mother just nodded solemnly. "Okay. Get some sleep my beautiful. You look exhausted." She hummed before reaching up to kiss my forehead and walk off to bed herself.