LUCA {Full Book}

39

"No fucking way!" I stopped at the edge of the sand. It was way too fucking cold to go walk tonight. "Tomorrow!"

I reached for her hand but of course she fucking continued, not giving a damn about what I wanted to do. "Suit yourself, I'm not fucking walking this late."

"So you'll walk New York City at midnight but not a deserted beach?" She laughed over her shoulder as she continued down towards the water.

"I'm not fucking afraid." Dammit. I started off after her, my face already fucking numb from the wind chill. "I don't like being uncomfortable."

"Stop focusing on yourself Luca and look out in front of you."

"Fuck, I'm not..."

She slid her hand into mine, squeezing it and lifting it towards the water. "Look how peaceful the ocean is, just as black as the sky."

She released my hand and I reached back for hers but she was already headed back up the sand.

"I'm going to sit out here for a minute, I'll meet you back inside." She dropped to the sand, staring right past me into the water.

Fuck. I followed her up, sinking down next to her and listening to the waves crashing in front of us.

"It's beautiful tonight." I knew she was smiling even though I couldn't see it. "Look at all the stars reflecting off the water."

I rolled back onto the sand, folding my arms under my head as she followed, lying down against me.

It was pitch black, nothing but those lights in the sky shining above us. I hadn't looked up in a while, fuck, I hadn't been at peace like this in a while.

"My brother Gav used to watch the stars every night. He picked two, said they were our parents looking down on us and I think he still fucking believes it too."

"You don't want to believe it?" She threw her arm around my chest as I watched the sky above us.

"I saw them after the accident, I had to ID them. When Gav looks up he sees them smiling- full of life, but that's not what I fucking see."

I hated when these memories came back and I usually had a shot, a hit, a snort, a pill - something to get lost in to push them away.

"And... I don't think they're looking down to see me anyways."

"Why?" I felt her face tilting towards mine, but the last thing I needed right now was a fucking audience.

Why... ha! Because I was a heartless prick. I'd done too much shit, fucked up too many times, wasn't the man they thought I should be. I was different. I was a bad fucking seed. She was ashamed, he was ashamed.

"I was at our family dinner the week before they died. Gav had done some stupid shit, actually he hadn't, I think my parents were just going off about something great he fucking did and I'd had enough. I ran my mouth, made him cry. My mamma called me heartless, told me to get out, said she was ashamed of what I had become. Told me I wasn't invited to the next week's family dinner. That I needed to check myself before I ruined the family name. So of course, I handled it the best way I knew how and told her to go to hell. Vai all'inferno was the last thing I said to my mamma before she died."

I felt the pressure behind my eyes, the lump in my throat as I relived the fucking memories and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push that shit away. "I got into it with my papà too. My pride got the best of me and I ignored his calls until there were no more. They were right, I was heartless."