LUCA {Full Book}

55

I'd spent the entire six hour flight just staring out the fucking window. I was never afraid of shit, but facing Crystal, or being denied before I even got to her- scared the fuck out of me.

I stepped back onto the freezing New York curb, throwing my hand up and hopping into the cab.

"5th ave and.... no, take me to 49-02 Laurel Hill Boulevard, Woodside."

I was staring out another window, watching the view I had ignored for decades but had seen quite a bit lately.

"Just wait, I'll be back." I shoved out the door, walking past all the graves until I was standing in front of theirs.

"Mamma, papà." I dusted off their stones, flipping the photo of Nora and Vinny back up.

"I know you're angry at me, disappointed, embarrassed of what I'm sure you've fucking seen but don't punish me. Don't make her some grand fucking lesson. I've been broken for a while and I thought I was fixed only to be destroyed once again. I know a lot of people who can do me a lot of favors, but none of this fucking magnitude so I need you to step up, talk to your boss up there, make it happen."

I bent down, staring at their engraved names. "I've tried to picture not seeing her again, filling the void with others, but everything's changed now. My needs are very fucking specific and they all revolve around her. You gave Gav everything he ever wanted, before and after you left. I want what he has now- I want love too."

I straightened back up, swiping my cheeks dry. "You owe me for leaving, leaving me when Gav was born, leaving me when you passed, and leaving me to care for Gav and it doesn't matter if Crystal never looks at me again- you still need to help her- you owe me that much."

I lowered my hands, one to each grave. "Ti amo entrambi e prometto di visitarti di più."

I wiped my face, soaking my knuckles yet again. My eyes seriously needed to pull their shit together.

I climbed back into the cab. It was time to go home, no... it was time to face her. "West 10th and Bleeker."

I circled her building, following someone in then raising my hand to her door, feeling the wetness still sneaking down my damn cheeks. This was fucking ridiculous.

I knocked and the door cracked open, revealing her face as she cautiously hung back, those dark eyes flashing up to mine.

Fuck. I lost any and all fucking control I thought I had and I reached my hand for her but she flinched away.

"I love you."

"Luca.."

"I'm so sorry. I um... fuck... I don't know how to handle... feelings... emotions. I had a lot of shit running through my head the other day and then seeing you... I... I know how fucked up it was."

She shook her head as her eyes glossed over and I thought seeing Sadie cry was hard, but it held nothing on seeing Crystal's tears.

"....I rarely feel guilt or remorse for the shit I've done and the only regrets I have are what I said to my parents, some shit with Gav and what I said and didn't say to you. And the only reason I even feel that shit is because I caused pain to the ones I loved the most."

"I'm sorry too Luca," she mumbled. "I should have told you sooner... I just didn't expect to fall in love with you..."

Love.... "You love me too?"

"Of course I do. But..."

"No, no buts!" I threw my hand up to stop her. "I know how fucked up I was and I know you shouldn't have even opened your door. But dammit I just wanna touch you, please let me in."