Rainbow - Kellic // boyxboy

Chapter Twenty-Six

I'm not sure what wakes me up until I realize there's a large pressure on top of me and I hear some giggling.

"Oh my god, I forgot you were here." Brandon snorts loudly. He sounds drunk. He smells drunk.

"Brandon, get off." I groan, pushing him off of me and onto the floor.

He shrieks with laughter which makes me cringe. The room is still dark so I look to the window to discover it is the crack of dawn.

"Brandon, shut up." Conner whines sleepily from across the room.

"But this is so exciting. I have two cute boys in my room." he laughs.

"I have class in a few hours. If you don't shut up I'm going to kick your fucking ass." Conner snaps, pulling his pillow over his head.

I look down at Brandon who's trying to suppress a fit of laughter. He grins up at me and puts his index finger to his lips in a shushing gesture.

"B, it's so early. Why are you drunk?" I whisper concerned.

"Oh shit, it's morning?" he giggles which makes me frown. He must have been drinking all night.

"You didn't drive here, did you?" I ask.

"No, my dad dropped me off. He kicked me out again." he snorts.

I climb out of bed and grab Brandon's arm, helping him to his feet. He sways a little and clings onto my waist for support.

"Get into bed." I instruct.

"Are you coming?" he flirts.

"You need to sleep." I tell him firmly.

He rolls his eyes at me but climbs into his bed. I pull the covers over him and kneel down beside him.

"Are you going to be okay?" I ask him.

"I'm fine." he groans rolling his eyes again.

"Okay," I nod. "I'm gonna go. Thanks for letting me sleep here." 

He just nods and closes his eyes.

I take that as my cue to leave so I put on my shoes and grab my things then leave his room. There are a few people walking down the halls, probably to go shower or exercise. I spot Daniel who I haven't seen since the party. Not in the mood for friendly conversation or even a gesture of acknowledgement, I put my head down and pretend not to notice him.

I'm not quite ready to go back to my dorm, I need some more time to think so I head outside and go sit under the big oak tree by the pond.

I watch the ducks swim around for a while. I remember reading a news story a couple of years ago about two gay ducks. Ben and Jerry. They were supposed to repopulate their species but showed no interest in the female ducks. The memory makes me smile.

I guess I'm feeling a lot less hysterical today than I was yesterday. But I still don't know if I can face Vic. How am I going to explain this to him? How am I going to lie my way out of this one?

Scenario after scenario runs through my head. None of them end well. He's going to hate me, that's inevitable. I consider what Dr. Levit suggested. Maybe I should tell him everything. But that almost guarantees that he wont want to be with me.

I don't want to lose him. But how am I even supposed to be with him if this keeps happening?

I think about when Vic and I sat under this tree. The absence of nausea that comes with the memories is encouraging. And also frustrating.

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep being wishy-washy with him. It would be better if I just hated myself completely or not at all. This middle stage is ridiculous and it's screwing with my head.