jealousy jealousy

TWENTY SIX

After spending a good time in Greece I couldn't say I really enjoyed it. I was scared and sick the whole trip. I didn't know how to act and I still don't know if I'm okay with this.

Of course I'm gonna keep it but the reactions of everyone is what scares me. We got back to our house and I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even lando. Everytime I look at him I have to lie and I absolutely hate it. I set my stuff back in my room and took a seat on my bed.

I was so happy to be back here but there were two men just in the other room. "Hey can we talk?" Lando said standing at the doorframe. I looked up at him and sighed with a smile.

"Yeah of course." he sat in front of me and stared into my eyes. "What's wrong?"  "Nothing why?" I said playing it off and trying my best to act normal. "You were distant this whole trip, you barely let me touch you or even cuddle you." he said with a sad look.

I didn't feel up to it to talk to him right now. I just wanted to be left alone. "I don't know, I'm just exhausted right now can we talk about it later?" I said a bit harshly.

"Uhh yeah sure, I'll leave you be." he said rubbing my thigh with his thumb. He leaned in to kiss me but I turned my head away. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"

"For fuck's sake, no lando you didn't I'm just upset right now and I want to be left alone." I said even louder this time. He stared at me with an empty heart. I was annoyed by everything and everyone and he kept dwelling on it.

I didn't want him to touch me because he might see that my stomach looks a bit different than usual. Although my bump is barely showing. It was just the best way to push him away than for him to see it.

I wasn't sad just about the baby, today 6 years ago my dad died and I couldn't bring myself to tell him. He turned around and walked out of my room. I heard him and Max talking in the hallway. "Mate chill out alright, her father died today six years ago." Max said to him and the tears started to stream down my cheeks.

They talked a bit softer so I couldn't figure out what they were saying. I wish he was here right now, he would've told me what to do but now I have no one. Yes Kelly and Savannah is here for me but they live ages away, I can't call them every minute of the day.

The hours past and I stayed in bed the whole day until I had to go buy some groceries. I took my car and left without saying a thing. I got us some vegetables and fruits and then I bought myself sweets since that was the only thing I was craving.

"Hi Ella." I heard a familiar voice from behind me and it startled me. I turned around and stared for a few seconds. "Hello Liam." I said discretely. "How have you been, I saw you have a new boyfriend." he said and I could tell he was nervous for some reason. "Yeah life's been great and how about you?"

"Oh you know same old, I know today is 6 years and I hope you are okay, or your boyfriendsm is there for you at least." he rubbed his lips together and I smiled at him. "Thanks Liam it means a lot. But listen I need to go, it was lovely seeing you again." I squeezed his arm and walked out to my car. I wouldn't say it was great seeing him again but we were together for a long time and since my dad died when we were together, he was there for me.

Lando

I was so frustrated with Ella at this point. She barely looks at me now and I don't have the slightest clue why. I heard her getting into her car earlier and I walked over to Max's room.

"Mate I don't know what to do." I said falling down on his bed." Just give her time, she'll come around, she always does." I knew he was right but I didn't want it to be true. I wanted her in my arms. I hated fighting with her, it made me sick to my stomach."She means the world to me mate, I can't just sit here and do nothing if the person I love is pushing me away."

Max looked at me with wide eyes. "Did you just say you love her?" I didn't even realize it but it was true. I love her, more than life itself. "I guess I did, but please mate help me out." I said desperately.

"I don't want to get between the two of you but I'll ask her what's wrong for my knowing then I'll maybe tell you." he said rolling his eyes.

"Thanks mate, I owe you one." we both walked downstairs to the living room and threw on a movie. It was about 4pm on this awful Friday and Ella still wasn't back. Just as I thought about her again she entered the front door.

I looked back at the door and she came in looking broken. I couldn't help myself to listen to her and I walked over to take the bags from her. "Thanks." she said with a fainted smile. I helped her pack away all of the stuff and get the things out to make dinner.

"I know about your dad El." I said as she cut the fruits. "You don't have to hide anything, I'm here for you, that's what boyfriends are for." I said stepping closer to her.

"I know lands, I'm sorry about earlier." she said turning her body towards me. "No need to apologize, as long as you are happy." I gave her a hug and it was one I enjoyed more. I held her tightly for what felt like forever.

"Okay enough crying let's make some food and when I say we I mean you because I can't cook." I said smiling.
She laughed softly and it made my heart warm.

Ella

I felt really bad for how I was treating lando and I couldn't live like this. After dinner, the three of us watched some movies. I went upstairs to the bathroom to throw up but I didn't say anything. I brushed my teeth and tapped my face wet with water.

As I walked back through my room I stopped infront of the mirror. I turned sideways and pulled my loose shirt tight over my belly. For the first time since I found out about it I was smiling, a genuine smile.

I was growing a baby inside of me and yes it was stressful and terrifying but the love instantly grew as soon as I looked at my tiny, barely visible bump. I walked back downstairs and cuddled up next to lando.

. . .

The rest of the week I worked with George and Lando was mostly at at the MTC. We had to prepare for the next race at Austria for a triple header. My bump was starting to show and it made me more scared than ever.

I called my mom and I wanted to go over to tell her. I knew she would be okay with it although I'm not married and 20 years old. After my workout with George on Sunday I headed over to where my mom and Joe were living.

I parked my car and went up the elevator to their apartment. I heart was getting heavy and my breathing unsteady. "Hello darling, oh I've missed you so much." I haven't seen my mother for a while now but I still kept in contact with her.

I walked inside and she made us some tea. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm down. "I'm pregnant." I said and kept my eyes closed to not get that - I'm so disappointed look-. She didn't say anything and I could feel her staring at me.

"Oh sweety, that's great, well if your happy ofcourse." she said walking over to me and gave me a hug. I broke down in tears. "Is lando the father?" she asked when I calmed down a bit. "Yeah but he doesn't know, I wanted to wait to figure stuff out but it's been about 3 weeks since I found out and I don't have a clue what I'm doing." I confessed and it felt good to talk to her about this.

"How far along are you." she handed me a cup of tea. "Almost 11 weeks." I placed my hand on my stomach and she put hers over mine. "I think you should tell him sweetheart, you don't want him to find out on his own."

"But he is in his peak of his career and a child mom, he's famous and social media can be a bitch." I sighed and shaked my head. "Your gonna be showing soon so you are gonna have to tell him."

"But what if he doesn't want the baby?" I clinched my eyebrows together and all the negative thoughts took over my head. "But what if he is thrilled." my mom always knew how to make me smile.

"Don't stay in the shadow, the light will make you whole." she said throwing in one of her favorite quotes. I gave her a long hug and thanked her. "Oehh I'm gonna be a grandma!" she said loudly clapping her hands and I just laughed at her.