Catfish (Minizerk)

Chapter 29

Josh's POV:

"Hi, Simon." I said softly as I entered his room.

"I'm sorry you saw that, I'm really embarrassed. But thank you for helping me." He nodded, looking down.

"Don't be embarrassed. It didn't make me think any less of you. It just showed me how strong you are to cope with your illness." I told him, sitting down in the chair beside his bed.

A moment of silence passed. Simon looked up at me with tears eyes.

"I don't know how to forgive you." He whispered.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, and that wasn't why I helped you today. I just knew that nobody there could help you better than I could. And despite everything, I do care about you. I couldn't just leave you like that." I said softly.

"I just don't know how I'm supposed to trust you. At what point did it stop being all a joke to you? When and why did you care about me?" He asked.

"When you offered to help me despite my difficulties, and you were sending me those voicenotes. It wasn't that I didn't care. It was that I was detached from it all. It didn't feel like I was doing that to a real person until I heard your voice and also saw how kind you are." I admitted.

"And you being friends with those guys... Did you ever talk about me? About our conversations? Laugh at me?" He asked.

"Not once. They got pissed at me because I said what I was doing felt wrong. That's when they started talking shit about the SEN students and when I flipped." I told him.

"Were they talking about me?" He bit his lip.

"Why else do you think I punched him? You're the only person I'd defend like that." I said.

"And you haven't spoken to them since?" He looked into my eyes.

"Not once, I've got them blocked on everything." I promised him.

"When you kissed me, was that just so you could say you'd completed your dare? Were you really going to just drop out of thin air after that?" He frowned.

"God, no. It stopped being a dare for me so long ago. I had feelings for you, Simon. Real feelings. Feelings so intense that I've hated myself for the last couple of months, I've been in therapy." I admitted.

"Had feelings? As in, not anymore?" He whispered.

"No, Simon. As in, feelings that have since turned into love. I realised I loved you when I knew that I'd do absolutely anything to undo what I did, and when I put myself through hell and refused to do anything that made me happy just to punish myself for it." It was hard being this vulnerable, but if there was even the slightest chance he might forgive me, I had no choice.