It was such a pleasing scenery. The moon that collides the stars, for some reason i find it gloomy even though it's full of sparks.
"What are you doing here."
I glance to a person who's the least i expected to come here. I'm currently in the rooftop of the venue just taking some air. This whole place suffocates the shit out of my body.
"Why are you here?" i said while drinking the wine that was placed in my right palm.
"Doc Kairon must be looking for you. You should go back downstairs." dagdag na sambit ko habang binalik ang tingin sa harap.
Naramdaman ko ang presensya niya sa gilid ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tahimik siya.
"I've been looking for you. Did you eat already?." sabi niya habang nakatingin sakin.
I heave a sigh before looking at her. Parang sasabog na yung puso ko. I don't want to ruin her night.
"Do you.....really love him?"
If somebody would just see my pathetic state right now, I bet they would laugh. Why am i bother to ask if i already know the answer.
"What happened to you. Are you really okay Cassidy?"
She was about to hold me when i raised my index finger to stop her. Her face , actions and the way she talk to me. It made me go crazy.
"J-Just go Miss." sabi ko habang umatras nang hakbang.
"I really don't understand you. Did i do something wrong? Why are you acting like that?"
She was just staring at me with her confused looks, failed to notice why i'm acting like this. I don't know if this is the side effect of the liquor that i just consumed awhile ago.
"Bumaba kana ma'am habang napipigilan ko pa ang sarili ko." i whispered while turning my back on her. Napatigil ako nang hawakan ako nito sa balikat at nagsalita.
"What is wrong with yo-"
The moment her lips touch mine, was the moment i knew after this would be different. It's a choice that i need to make. And this is my answer.
I was stunned when she pushed me after kissing her. Her furious eyes were striking directly to me. I need to take responsibility for this.
"What the hell are you doing!." she angrily said with a shock evident in her face.
"I love yo-" i was about to say those precious words when she slapped me.
" Miss Alex mahal ki-" for the second time. She slapped me again.
I was staring at her furious eyes while saying those words. Parang ang sampal niya ay di man lang nagbigay ng sakit sa pisnge ko.
"Don't you dare utter those words." she coldly said. I can't see hint of emotion in her face.
Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Is it hard? To just express what i feel? How ironic. I can't help but to smile sarcastically.
"I know it's wrong to do this and i know you would see me differently after this but just hear me out for once Lenon."
She just stand there while waiting for everything i will say. I can't help but to wipe the tears that keeps on flowing in my cheeks.
"l-I love you." my voice was shaking while looking at her cold eyes. I could see a hint of dissapointment in her eyes.
"Don't you dare touch me." she said while avoiding my hands that's about to touch her.
"I know it's wrong but i couldn't take any longer Lenon. I fucking love you so much." I said while sobbing. I immediately hugged her while crying. I didn't mind the tears and pain at all. She never reciprocated my actions.
"I'm a married woman." I'm just listening to her cold voice while hugging her.
"I know. Just let me love you kahit sa malayo man lang. Hindi ako mang gugulo, please...."
I couldn't feel my body anymore. I was too focused upon expressing everything. I can't lose her....but i knew , I already did.
"Even if you push me.....I would still choose you against all odds."
She slightly pushed me away to face her. I don't want the look in her eyes. It screams pity. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Ganun lang ba ang tingin niya sa nararamdaman ko?
"Loving me is painful Cassidy."
I was caressing her soft hands while staring at her.Ngumiti ako dito habang winawaksi ang luha na dumadaloy parin sakin.
"I'm used hugging a cactus my love." garal-garal na sabi ko sakanya. I could sense a different emotion in her eyes.
"J-Just please forget me. I love my family. I can't afford to break them just for you."
Ang salita nito'y tumatak sa isipan ko, siya rin pagkawasak ng pag-asa na hinahangad ko. I smiled bitterly.
"M-mahal kita eh." sabi ko habang hinahawakan ang puso ko na sumisikip.
"I love Kairon. I love my family, so please....forget what you feel."
She took a single glance before turning her back. I could feel my weak knees dropping. Hindi ko alam san ako kakapit. Ang sakit sakit.
Bigla nalang bumuhos ang ulan na parang dinadamayan ako nito. Anong laban ko dun? Asawa niya yun eh samantalang ako....studyante niya lang. Wala naman akong planong sirain sila eh. Gusto ko lang siyang mahalin. Bakit andaya naman ng tadhana. Bakit yung puso ko pa yung paglalaruan niya.
Napatingin ako sa cp ko nang magvibrate ito. It's Caellum. Without thinking, i aswered his call.
"H-hey! What happened?! Where are you right now!" i could feel his concern voice. I tried so hard to bit my lips not to create a sob pero hindi ako nagtagumpay. Nasasaktan parin ako.
"Cae.....kunin mo na'ko dito." i drop the call and just let the rain envelop my body.
Ilang minuto lang ay nakaramdam ako na nawala ang ulan. Inangat ko naman ang tingin ko dahil sa dalawang paa sa harap ko. It's Caellum.
"I'm sorry, It took me long enough to be here."
He encircled his arms in my waist while hugging me. Di ko maiwasang mapaiyak ulit.
"It's okay. Let's go home first." malambot na sabi nito sakin habang pinapahid ang luhang tumatakas sa mata ko. He look so concern but he refused to say anything.
I'm just thankful na may exit sa likod nito. Rinig ko parin ang nagkakasiyahan sa loob nang bumaba ako, walang nakapansin samin habang karga karga ako ni Caellum na pinagsasalamat ko.
Gulong gulo ang isip ko nang mailagay niya ko sa loob ng passenger seat. Nakatulala lang ako sa harap na hindi alam kung ano ang susunod na gagawin. Naalala ko nanaman yung kanina, sumisikip nanaman ang dibdib ko.
"Please change first. Get back here when you're done."
Hindi ko na binigyan ng pansin ang sinabi ni Caellum at walang ganang naglakad paakyat ng kwarto.
Pagkasarado sa pinto ay syang pagkabagsak ko sa sahig. I couldn't find my strength. Napahawak ako sa mukha at napahagulhol. Sobrang sakit.
"Mahal kita Alex....mahal na mahal."
YOU ARE READING
Embracing my Serotonin
Fanfiction[Unedited] Alex Lenon Roa a respected Head Engineer of Roa Corporation and a Professor in Custadio Imperium University. Cassidy Janea E. Castro an Architecture student of CIU. She've been tangled to the conflict of yesterday, with questions , with...
