Embracing my Serotonin

Chapter 33

"That's enough, you're taking too much alcohol Cass."

Bakit pa kasi siya sumama. I was busy drinking my ass for what happened earlier pero itong asungot di ako tinantanan. I'm just thankful na hindi na siya nagtanong sa nangyare. He was just letting me drink in the mini bar of this resort , katabi lang ito sa bahay na tinutulugan ko.

It feels like my head were dancin' in the clouds, spacing out real hard. There's still a couple of pips here in my resort, 2 days pala to nirentahan ng nagbirthday, so it's not a surprised na mapunta rin sila dito.

"Caellum nagmahal kanaba?" i said while resting my head in my right palm. We're sitting in the stool near the counter. I glanced at him when i heard him say nothing.

Ngayon ko lang pala siya natanong sa mga ganitong bagay. He never introduce me to someone. I just stared at his action when he suddenly looked away and stare at the glass with a tequila in it.

"Yeah." tipid na sabi nito na nagpukaw sa kyuryusidad sa katawan ko. I really didn't imagine na he's capable of that pala.

"Nasan na siya?" i asked. He stopped for a bit before looking at me. His eyes.....it's full of sadness and longing.

He never answered me, he just straightly drink the liquor.

"she doesn't remember me."

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman. Nalulungkot ako sa sitwasyon niya. I tapped his shoulder and raised my glass. Tutal pareho naman kaming sawi.

"Caellum anong gagawin mo pag nagmahal ka sa taong di na pwedeng mahalin."

I heard him heave a sigh. " there's no words about taong di na pwedeng mahalin Cassidy. Every person can freely love others despite of being in tangled for something else, it's your choice to make, wether you pursue or you let go but, you also need to consider the consequences of your actions."

I didn't know he's capable of saying that words na parang andami niyang pinagdaanan sa ganyan. Looking at him, seryoso lang itong nakatingin sa kawalan.

"Cae , paano mo nahahandle yung taong mahal mo? Knowing na hindi ka niya matandaan."

It's my first time to see him in this kind of state. He's vulnerable right now. His grounds were shutdown, he's letting me see this side of him. I was curious on the girl na minahal niya, she's must be lucky.

I saw him smile a bit before looking at me.
"I love her to the point that i'm willing to give up anything just to be with her and support her. Although, she doesn't remember a single thing about me, i'm not forcing anything, i'm not forcing the energy, i'm not forcing her to remember me."

Punong-puno ng emosyon ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sakin. Just from his remarks, alam kong nagdudusa siya. Akala ko ako lang yung nasasaktan pero may mas hihigit rin pala. It must be hard for him living his life knowing that his loveone doesn't even remember him.

"I'm just waiting for the time that maybe.....just maybe she'll woke up with our memories inside her." dagdag nito habang malamlam na nakatingin sakin.

I don't know what to feel. Nasasaktan ako para kay Caellum. I pulled him for a hug and console him.

"It's gonna be alright Cae." magaan na sabi ko sakanya habang hinahaplos ang likod nito. I could feel his hugged tightened.

I was shocked when i felt a liquid in my shoulders, i'm wearing a sleeveless satin. It's obvious he's crying. I could feel his shoulder move and a sob escaped from him.

"I love her so much." his voice cracked. Mas lalong humagulhol ito. Bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko habang yakap-yakap ito.

"It's okay. Tumahan kana , andami mo na sipon na nalalagay sa balikat ko, mahiya kanaman jan" asar na sambit ko dito para mejo gumaan ang mabigat na emosyong nakapalibot sa aming dalawa. He's such a cry baby. Anlaki ng katawan pero iyakin. I chuckled by looking at him, gwapo parin talaga ang tukmol na'to.

He wiped his tears before smiling at me. Yan , yan ang gusto kong makita sa mukha niya. I hold his cheeks , wiping his tears away.

"Wag kana umiyak. Sana kung sino man yang babae na yan, sana mabagok ulo nun para maalala ka." natatawang sambit ko rito.

I was laughing by his reaction when I saw miss Alex approaching along with her husband beside her. I looked away when she glanced at our direction. I could feel her presence, they're sitting 2 tables from here.

Napapikit naman ako nang maisip siya. Tangina why am i even thinking about her? Kailan ba to matatapos?

"Wait me here, i'll just get something in my room." nginitian ko naman ito nang umalis ito. Nakasunod lang ang tingin ko sa likod ni Caellum baka kung mapano siya but thankfully maayos naman yung lakad niya.

"1 bottle of margarita please." i said. Pagkakuha ay naglakad na ako paalis. This place is suffocating. Mawawalan ata ako ng hangin sa loob kung mananatili pa'ko ng matagal.

I sat on the edge of the wood that was placed in the sand, 3 steps away from the sea. Ang ganda ng panahon ngayon. Di'ko maiwasang mapangiti ng matipid habang nakatingin buwan.

"The moon is beautiful isn't it?"

Mabilis na napalingon ako sa taong tumabi sakin. My heart was beating rapidly, it feels like i'm in a running competitiom right now. Ano nanaman bang kailangan niya?

I heave a sigh before looking away. I intertwined my hands. Ang lamig ng hangin na tumatama sa balat ko.

"I'm not here to argue with you." she said while looking at the waves. Pagod narin ako makipagusap sakanya. I better shut my mouth.

"I'm here to say sorry. I've been careless with my words. It was not my intention to hurt you." dagdag na sagot nito sakin.

"it's okay. I'm not forcing you to reciprocate what i feel. You can't reciprocate what i feel and i understand that." I glanced at her at nginitian ito ng tipid. Hanggang dito nalang ba talaga?

Halo-halo ang naramdaman ko. Parang wala na atang luha ang lumalabas dahil sa daming luhang nabigay ko kanina. I destroyed our relationship and this is my consequences for the actions i made.

"Just leave me here." tipid na sabi ko rito habang nakatingin sa kawalan.

Naramdaman ko namang tumayo ito kaya nabaling dito ang tingin ko. Hinubad nito ang suot na coat at inabot ito sakin.

"I'm fine."i said.

Nagulat ako nang pinulupot nito ang coat sa balikat ko. Tumingin ito saglit sakin bago nagsimulang maglakad palayo. Nakasunod lang ang tingin ko sa pigura nito paalis.