You and Me (Plus Everyone In Between Us)

Round Two

I was once again in the chaotic throes of the backstage area. I wasn't going first, but instead, I was closer to the end. I didn't feel nervous. Should I have? It was like this numb, equilibrium state where I wasn't sure if I was confident or nervous.

Everything still felt like a blur. The week went by so fast that I wondered if I had been living in my entire head this week. Suddenly, I was choosing a song to sing, and the next thing I knew, I was all the way up there.

My outfit was way more revealing this time. The skirt I wore had a slit as high as the heavens, and the corset top I had been given was low-cut, which let everyone see everything, and tightened around my waist. My hair had been tucked under a glossy straight black wig.

I looked nice, but I had been made to look like a different person. It was okay; I guess.

The show began, and Andre once had the audacity to look good again. He wore a fancy white shirt that encapsulated his muscles perfectly and wore shades. Of course, he had the audacity to smile and have locs perfectly tousled.

No one here knew about yesterday. That I almost kissed Andre. His hand on my cheek still burned where he last touched it. His eyes looked like they longed for me. Wanted me.

I couldn't do this. He wanted to kiss me because I was the closest female in proximity to him. Hell, he probably brought girls to his studio all the time. The thought sickened me, but maybe it should.

Andre shouldn't have been on my mind. Grace and Janelle should be. They both stood on opposite sides of a huge staircase set up on the stage as they sang the opening notes of "Mamma Mia" together in perfect harmony.

They both wore sparkly silver jumpsuits that made both of them look like walking disco balls. But it worked for both of them. They sang energetically while doing choreography, with backup dancers flanked in black glittery outfits.

I was on high alert the entire time because it was so darn energetic. One thing Grace and Janelle were going to do was give their all for a performance. And they looked so in their element doing theatre. Suddenly, a curtain dropped down from the bottom of the stairs and they both stepped behind it, before emerging in blue jumpsuits!

I screamed at their sudden change up! Everyone went feral, but I went the most feral. The song switched to "Take A Chance", and suddenly all the backup dancers appeared on roller skates and skated around them in their glittery halo. I was utterly transfixed.

They ended in a glorious pose, and I cheered ferociously for them. If they didn't win, then something must've gone wrong on God's green earth. Luckily, all the judges seemed to like it. Even Fairouz whole said it was "too much" last week. I wondered how narrow her view of wonderful music was if she didn't even let Andre write his own songs.

It didn't matter. Lina went next to singing "The Phantom of the Opera", and the stage had turned into some baroque-looking mansion. She even had the mask on her face.

A.C. rapped the opening number from Hamilton, and Insomnia sang "You Will Be Found" in a pretty tight three-part harmony. The girls from 5Ever sang the Heathers' opening number.

Everyone had done so well. I hoped I could be on par with them. I clenched my fists, which didn't clench well because they were all sweaty.

Ray went after and sang "Sexy" from the Mean Girls soundtrack. Everyone wore all pink, and the performance was kind of funny and quirky. Even though she may have disliked me for no reason, I couldn't lie and say she did horribly. Even I was entranced.

After the commercial break, I was shared to the front to be outfitted with my in-ears and my microphone.

I sucked in a breath and walked out onto the stage while Halle introduced me from a platform next to the judge's table. My interviews from this week played and then my intro video. The music queued up in my in-ears and I began to sing.

The stage was no longer a foreign place to me, an unfamiliar terrain to be conquered. I knew what it was like and I commanded the stage, singing out loud using all the techniques I learned. Even if I didn't win, I would still make it. I was so sure.

The lights were so bright and the audience, despite me seeing them as shapeless blobs before, had all taken the future of humans. Very real humans who would soon be swayed by whatever the judges had said. There were even more behind all the cameras that seemed to zoom in on me as I performed.

"Burn" was still a hard and long song, no matter how much I had performed it. I sang, but I didn't know if I was convincing enough.

I finished, and an applause rained down on me, and a huge smile split on my face. More out of relief than happiness. Halle came to meet as soon as I was done, and I unplugged my in-ears.

"Great job, Ezra!" she complimented. "Let's start with judge feedback. Brian, what was your opinion?"

"To be honest," Brian began. "I liked how you sing, but this performance was missing that Ezra spark we all know. This performance kind of felt a little boring."

The audience bolted out into a mix of cheers and boos. I tried not to show the fact that I was dying inside. Just smile and look ahead, Ezra.

"Wait!" Brian addressed the audience. "Like I said, you can sing, but I really wanted you to explore musical theatre in its creative ways and do something more active. You just sat there and sang."

I nodded as Fairouz took charge. "I agree with Brian. It was very boring and forgettable, which I hate to say because I was really expecting more from you. I believe you can get very far, but you have to be willing to take risks."

"And Andre?" Halle asked.

Not Andre. Not yet.

"I agree," Andre said. I wanted to throw up. "As someone who was a contestant, it's easy to fall into a pattern you think works for you, but if you want to do well in this competition, you have to blow everyone's minds, which I didn't think happened tonight a whole lot. This hurts to say because I like you as a contestant a lot, Ezra."

I nodded in response, trying not to feel hurt. Andre wasn't obligated to be nice to me because we held hands and texted. Definitely not because we almost kissed. He was still a judge.

"Ezra, what do you think of the feedback?" Halle asked, microphone pointing at my mouth.

"You know, I worked really hard tonight, and I did what I could do," I said. "But I agree with the judges in getting out of my comfort zone and taking more risks, which I didn't do as much as I wanted to tonight."

"Alright," Halle said, as the theme song played behind me. "Please vote for Ezra if you want to see her advance on Finding Solstice!"

I speedwalked backstage, with my heart not feeling crushed but bruised. I hoped that feedback didn't impact the votes. It probably was. Grace and Janelle caught the note of my semi-glassy eyes and buried me in hugs, giving me affirmations of hope.

But I still couldn't stop thinking about it.