You Are Mine: You Are My Everything

Chapter 9: Duty

~Colin's POV~

I sigh heavily as I gaze up at the ceiling. I'm lying next to Emery, it's late. I've only managed to drift off for a few minutes at a time. My mind is too busy. I've felt pain, I've felt lose. I felt both, worse than I ever had when Emery walked out on me but... A part of her is scared of me. Scared of the part of me that I am trying so desperately to push down. To let go of. I understand why she is scared. I hurt her. I remember that, every day I am reminded of the mistake I made and how I almost lost her because of it. That part of me hurt her worse than I will probably ever be able to understand, and it breaks whatever sits in my chest and pumps my blood around my body.

I slowly turn my gaze to her. She is fast asleep, her face soft and peaceful. She is naked except for her pair of tight-fitting cotton panties. She must be feeling warm cause she has tossed the blankets off and just has the sheets tangled around her legs. She's beautiful. So beautiful and innocent. When she sleeps she looks younger than eighteen. She could almost pass for sixteen in her sleep. 

I sigh heavily turning onto my side to face her, I gently kiss her open palm before kissing her forehead. She said yes to marrying me even though she fears a part of me. A part of me that she doesn't believe I have under control. And she shouldn't. I don't believe I have it under control. I have enough control to keep myself from hurting her or our child. But will I always have an underlying desire to inflict pain? To smack a woman until her ass is purple and red with pain?

I grit my teeth angrily at myself as I feel my cock stir just at the thought. I am sick. Joyce tried, she tried to change, and be someone different, but she failed. Eventually, she had to go back to her roots, no matter how much she loved the relationship she had with Gael. Course Gael is a pathetic excuse for a man.

What kind of man can't get his shit together and give his wife what she needs? It's not that hard. So, Joyce needs it passionate and rough, Gael made a vow to stand beside her and give her what she needed, he should have found a way to do that. It's a husband's job. Just like it is my job to give Emery what she needs, whatever that is. It is my job to find a way to give her what she needs and desires. And she desires safety, I can tell. She desires a feeling of having someone at her side, protecting her, keeping her safe, and standing beside her through the hardest moments in life. 

I can give her that, easy. 

I gaze at Emery, my eyes wandering her body. I will give her what she needs somehow. I will suppress my needs, seek counselling, and find a way to heal. I want to heal. I want a normal fucking family with Emery. I want the family I never could have dreamed of. I want our daughter to have a mother and father who loves her. Who give her everything she could ask for. I want our daughter to know that she is unconditionally loved. I want Emery to know that she is my partner in everything. That whatever she needs for the rest of her life I will find a way to provide. I want her to know that no matter what she can lean on me.

I move my hand to rest it on Emery's stomach, I breathe a hard sigh. I have to figure it out. I am not going to give Emery any more excuses to run off with this baby. It's mine, just as much as she is.

What if she did run? What if tomorrow or three months from now she decides to run?

I close my eyes tightly and grit my teeth. I wouldn't let it go. I know that for sure. I wouldn't just let her run off with this baby. And I do not want to just be a financial support. I want to raise this baby. In a stable, loving home. With two parents who love each other and her. If Emery ran... fuck, I wouldn't try and keep her from the baby, but I would fight tooth and nail for what was best for her. Even if it did mean that I gained custody. It's not that I think Emery couldn't raise this child on her own. If something happened to me tomorrow, I wouldn't be worried at all. I know Emery is strong and resilient. She would figure out something and everything she did would be in the end, what was best for the baby, for our baby.