𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐎𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝 // (𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐝 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

Part 43

'Conrad here, leave me a message'

"Hey Conrad, I don't know if you'll see this but, I'm outside, I'll be waiting on the bench near the entrance if you want to find me, I'll be here all night." I click send and then put my phone down.

I haven't seen him since the funeral, and I want to know that he's okay...I mean, of course, he's not okay, but I haven't heard anything recently, truthfully, I want to know that he's alive.

I have a small bag and even though it's June, a huge puffer coat in case I have to sit here a while. I will not leave until I know that he's alright.

I drove from my house to Brown, all because I have been restless ever since Susannah's funeral.

I didn't bring any food and haven't eaten since this morning, so after about two hours of him not coming, I practically pass out from exhaustion.

I feel someone shake me lightly.

"Y/N." He whispers, waking me up.

"Hi." My eyes open straight away when I see that it's him, and I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, even though he's stiff. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just, I had the most horrible feeling that something was wrong."

"You drove all the way from home?"

"I had to make sure that you hadn't,"

"I hadn't what?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"That I'm okay?" He pauses. "Just say it, you thought that I could've been suicidal."

My stomach churns.

"I had to know," I cross my arms and rub my shoulders. "Conrad."

"This isn't okay, y/n."

"What?"

"You thought that I could've killed myself, so you drove 4 hours at 2 in the morning to make sure I hadn't? That's not healthy, you don't look healthy."

"I could say the same about you."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"That's not a concern right now."

"Y/N, your face is grey."

"Oh so now you care?"

"What does that mean?" He asks.

"When we were together, ever since Christmas, you were losing me, and I sent you signals and I tried to make it work, you don't get to act like you care now."

"Act like I care? Of course, I fucking care."

"No, you don't."

"I do, I fucking do, you just don't want to believe it."

"That's not true."

"It is though, you know I care, and I know you care."

"I don't care." I blurt out, knowing that it isn't true.

"Oh, you don't care? You just drove all the way here because you don't care?"

I stare at him.

"Yeah."

"I can't believe you'd do this, I love you, too much to explain," He grabs my arm and my bag and drags me to my car. "Eat something first, but please just go home."

"Conrad." I start, but I don't finish my sentence, I run to the nearest bin and throw up.

"Y/N." He walks over.

"No, it's fine, I'm sorry Conrad, go away." I can't get the right words out.

"No, you're not safe to drive home come with me."

"Conrad, leave me alone, I don't want to see you again."

His face drops, and he quickly walks away, towards his dorm room.

I fall to the ground, but I don't cry, I can't.

I make my way into the backseat of my car and fall asleep.

~~

That night, replays over and over in my head, in my dreams.

"Y/N! Wake up! Wake up!"

I can hear a voice yelling and I slightly open my eyes, to see my mother, looking the angriest I've ever seen her.

"Mom?" I sit up. "Why are you here?"

"You asked me to come, no, actually, you left me a drunk voicemail, begging for me to come."

"I,"

"Get up, we're leaving y/n, Belly's already packed."

"She didn't try fight you?"

"No, and you shouldn't either." She picks up my stuff and shoves it into my bag.

"We can't leave, you don't understand."

"No! I don't understand, you've been lying to me, for days."

"Jeremiah and Conrad needed my help and I didn't know how to tell you."

"There is not one single excuse," She pauses. "I hope last night was worth it because I'm so done with you."

"We didn't come here to party, I only suggested it because of you and Suz having that party when you were younger and,"

"I'm so sick and tired of hearing you use her name as an excuse for your actions."

"You're sick and tired of me, period. Ever since what happened these past months you have been so insanely angry with me, and ashamed and embarrassed of me."

"What do you want me to say!? Yes, you embarrassed me, I am ashamed because you made that entire funeral about you when it was for Beck!"

"Yes, yes. I everyone hates me for it but no one can hate me as much as I hate myself."

"Come on! We are not doing this here, let's go."

"I'm not leaving," She grabs my wrist. "No! I know I've made some real big mistakes but the fact that I thought you'd help is the worst so far."

"Susannah wouldn't forgive you for giving up on the boys, she wouldn't even believe."

My sentence gets cut off by my mothers hand striking me across the face.

I nod slowly and leave the room, seeing Conrad and Jeremiah in the way out.

You deserve this.

I keep thinking to myself as I make my way down to the beach.

'You've been putting up with my shit just way too long'