The Armed Forces

Chapter 23

After running for quite some time, I slow down around a mini mall. I've seen a lot of shopping places in Sweden while I've been here but I haven't been in one. Phillip gave me a credit card with unlimited spending while I'm here just in case of an emergency... I guess you could call this an emergency.

I walk by a pretzel place that looks good. There are signs written in Sweden so I order just a regular pretzel so I don't look dumb. Pretzels in Sweden are actually called Kringles so I order one of those even though they're the same thing. I walk by store after store but I see nothing I like. If I was still in Cali, I'd be buying everything right now. I use to love clothes. I use to love shopping. How in just a couple of months, everything has changed? I'm not the fun-loving, happy girl I once was. Its scary how life can turn your world upside down so quickly. One day you're happy with your friends and laughing like nothing matters but then before you know it, your mind is begging you to bury yourself 6 feet below ground before remembering that technically, you already are. You never even needed the shovel.

Memories already made and thoughts on what's going to happen run through my mind at a lightening pace. Everything from Bradley and I at prom to graduating the ROTC program. I want to scream for help but I know nobody's there. Just the darkness that opens her arms to wrap them tightly around me to welcome me home. I can't do this. I'll never be happy.

"Looks like you need some help," a familiar voice says. "Can I sit?" That's when I realized that when I was thinking about everything, I took a seat outside the store 'Express'. I look up at him and see a servant from the hotel, James Wooster- I think his name was.

"Sure," I say with a slight smile. His face lights up just enough for me to realize that that was the answer he was secretly praying on hearing.

"It looks as if you were in deep thought a minute ago. Can I ask you what you were thinking about?"

"Can I ask you why you're not at the palace?" I ask him back. I don't know if I should trust this guy with what I'm feeling on the inside. What if he laughs at me? I'll be humiliated.

"Ha, I suppose you're right. But even servants need to get away. So, may I ask why you looked as if you were going to cry your eyes out?"

I sigh. I need to talk to someone about it or I think I'm going to go crazy. So I tell him everything- What happened back home and how I ended up here because of the military. I told him my thoughts and how depressed I am. I told him about the prince and I and how he's nice but I don't want to marry him and finally I told him that I miss my family. My brother, my parents and the some of the friends I had left. During this one-sided conversation. James said nothing. He didn't try to give his opinion or did he give me words of encouragement. He didn't even look at me with sad eyes that told me that deep inside of him, he felt sorry for me. It was kind of refreshing. He was being real with me and that's really all I wanted.

After a while of silence, he spoke up. "That's a lot to take in, Winter. Just in a couple of months and I understand that you're depressed. But, it's your life. You could talk to the prince and have him let you go home you know. No offense or anything, but there are many like you, much better than you. Surely he could find someone else. There's always a loophole." He ended the conversation.

"How are you only the servant?" I laughed. It felt weird since I haven't laughed in a couple of months but it was fun. I miss doing it.

He looks into my eyes. Straight into them and doesn't blink. I can tell he's being serious because his signature grin isn't there. "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh before," He says. "That's because laughing means living, and I've never been alive before while I've been here," I answer.

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