Save You Tonight

10.

~June 14, 2016~

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I couldn't seem to calm them, my nerves, they ran through body making me jittery and uncomfortable. I was nervous because I didn't know what we were doing today and I didn't like surprises. I was also nervous because I was putting a lot of trust in someone who I wasn't sure I could trust just yet. I knew Gemma would make sure I was home at one. That should give me enough time to get groceries and be back home in time to get supper ready before Kaleb gets home. I still had a huge knot in my stomach, making me second guess my decision to go. I went back and forth, one minute I was determined to go and not let Kaleb scare me from living my life and then the next minute I'm about ready to call Gemma and cancel.

I'm pretty sure I'm wearing a hole in the floor with the amount of pacing I've been doing. I have been up since five, getting ready with shaking hands and a racing heart. Now it's almost eight and I've been pacing back and forth waiting for Gemma and Harry to pick me up. I was told to dress comfortably so I just wore a pair of black skinny jeans and my teal button up blouse. I had on my knee high boots and my leather jacket. I left my hair straight and did some light makeup, not really going all out since I had no idea what we were doing. I changed like three times before I settled on this outfit, feeling self conscious for some reason. I almost didn't recognize me, I was never this shy and I never got this nervous or felt so unsure of myself. I was alway so independent and strong willed, now I'm not. I haven't been since I started dating Kaleb.

I can see that being with him isn't healthy and he's only bringing me down, but every time I think about leaving him I get this sinking feeling in my gut and I get anxious and scared. Scared about being so far from home and being alone and scared about how he will react if I ended things. Kaleb has been all I've known for over a year and a half. Since before I graduated college, he was there, supporting me and making decisions for me. I let him, thinking it was normal. I regret not standing up for myself and demanding to have my independence. I think what stopped me was the fact that I could lose him if he knew I didn't want him to support me and be my voice. I was worried I'd never find anyone else who would want me.

A knock on the door made me jump. I look down at my watch, eight o'clock on the dot. Punctual Gemma, as always. I grab my bag and my phone and open the door to a grinning Gemma. She looks gorgeous as always, her long hair in waves down her back.

"Good morning, lovely. Are you ready?" Gemma looks so excited I couldn't help but grin and relax a little. I think today will be alright, I'm worrying for nothing.

"Ready!" I say, feeling more cheerful than I was moment ago. I lock the door behind me and follow Gemma outside. We walk over to a slick black car and I had to keep my jaw from falling open. It was a BMW M3, a brand new one by the looks of it.  I don't know what it is but cars look so much sexier in black. I'm still in awe as Gemma opens the door and slides the front seat forward so I could climb in. I squeeze into the back seat and melt into the soft leather seats, running my hands over the expensive fabric. Everything is shiny and new and beautiful. I've had a thing for cars, BMWs mostly, since my freshman year in college when my roommate had one. Everywhere we went I made her drive just so I could sit in it. Whenever I get a car, if ever, I'm getting a BMW. Nothing as nice as this though, I couldn't afford something like this.