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~July 15, 2016~

What the heck do you wear to an arraignment? Do you wear something formal, like a plain suit or something or can you wear something more casual yet nice? I don't know why I'm freaking out about this, but then again I haven't put together an outfit for four days since I've just stayed in leggings and a large sweater and that was unacceptable to wear to court. Also I was a little nervous about today, not really knowing what to expect. I keep thinking that Kaleb is going to use his charm and wit to make the judge fall under his spell and side with him, leaving me looking stupid and pathetic.

It was already past noon and I really needed to make a decision on what to wear, I can't go in my black leggings and my oversized sweatshirt with a giant Minnie Mouse on it.  After another fifteen minutes just staring into my small suitcase (I haven't worked up the nerve to go and grab the rest of my stuff from Kalebs) I finally decide on my dark denim skinny jeans and a simple gray shirt with sleeves long enough to cover the bruises on my upper arm. They didn't cover the bandages on my arm or hands but I didn't worry to much about that. What I did worry about was the giant bruise around my neck and my busted up face. Those bruises have been taking their sweet ass time fading. I look up at Gemmas array of different colored scarfs hanging from her closet door and grab the orange striped one, wrapping it around my neck loosely, covering the bruise perfectly. 

I try covering the bruises on my face with concealer and foundation but I've been putting so many layers on I'm starting to look like a cake with frosting that has started to melt, and the bruises were still showing

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I try covering the bruises on my face with concealer and foundation but I've been putting so many layers on I'm starting to look like a cake with frosting that has started to melt, and the bruises were still showing.  I give up and wipe everything off and begin applying my makeup like I normally would, just the light foundation and some eyeliner, a little eyeshadow and mascara. I apply some nude colored lipgloss and call it good.  I didn't want to over do it, plus I didn't really have the energy to do much. 

Last night was rough. I think I only slept an hour, if that.  I just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, watching Gemmas fan spin, around and around, hoping it would put me to sleep.  It didn't.  Listening to music did nothing. Reading stupid articles on my phone didn't nothing. Every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Kalebs stupid face. It made me sick to my stomach that he was still torturing me when he wasn't even here.  I'm hoping seeing him today wouldn't make it worse. 

I felt extremely grateful for Anne and Robin for letting me stay with them and for Gemma for letting me crash in her room with her. They had plenty of guest bedrooms but I felt more comfortable and safer closer to Gemma. Gemma was going to be moving into the guesthouse this weekend and she has already told me I can have the second bedroom.  Despite my protests and no matter how many times I told her it was just until I find a place on my own and get back to normal, she insisted it was no trouble at all and that she will love having me around and that I could stay as long as I wished. I don't know what I did to meet such incredibly kind people, but I'm glad I did.

"Knock, knock," Gemmas voice calls out from the doorway as she knocks twice. Not really sure why she's knocking since it's her room. 

"Hey," I smile at her through the mirror of her vanity, where I was running the straightener through my hair quickly, taming those pesky flyaways.

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