Save You Tonight

55.

There is never truly a way to describe how it feels to lose someone. No way to describe the aching you feel deep in your chest, the longing to have just one more day with them. Other than knowing they aren't suffering anymore, there is nothing you can really say to help ease the heartache, to help lift the dark cloud that seems to have settled over everyone. The loss of a family member is hard, and it's tough seeing the people you love grieving over their lost family member.

Losing Caroline has driven everyone into a deeper depression and it's killing me that there isn't more that I could do to help ease some of their pain. The best I could do was be there for them and offer my support when needed. Anne and Robin have retreated back to their room, the funeral taking its tole on them and Gemma has been spending a lot of time with Alex over the last couple of weeks, having him stay the night with her. Alex has became somewhat like her security blanket, comforting her and being there for her in a way that she can't get from her family. Like how I've been for Harry.

It breaks my heart seeing Harry's bloodshot eyes and the dark circles under them from the lack of sleep. I've stayed up with him until the early hours of the morning, just holding him and making sure he's alright. He hasn't really talked to me since the day Caroline passed away but I wasn't going to push him. He would talk to me when he was ready and until then, I would continue to hold him and show him I'm there for him in any way that I can.

We all have gotten back from the funeral an hour ago and no one has really said anything. Anne and Robin went to their room, Gemma and Alex went to the guest house to watch a movie and Harry and I are sitting at the kitchen counter at the main house. I take a small sip of my tea, glancing down at Harry's untouched mug in front of him and frowning. He hasn't been eating or drinking much of anything lately and I'm starting to get worried. I know he was pretty close with Caroline and losing her has hit him pretty hard and it kills me seeing him like this. I just don't want him to make himself sick.

"Harry?" I ask quietly, feeling the need to keep my voice low.

"Hmm?" Is all he says, not once glancing up from the kitchen counter.

"How about I make us something for lunch?" I turn to face him, seeing the same far off look on his face that he's had for a couple weeks now.

"I'm not hungry," he says, voice void of any emotion. He looks up at me but when his eyes meet mine they look right through me. My heart breaks just a little bit more in my chest as I walk the short distance to him. Grabbing his knee, I turn the stool so he is facing me and I step in between his legs.

"You haven't eaten much the last couple weeks Harry, you're going to make yourself sick. I'm worried about you." I life my hand and brush back some hair off his face before resting it on his shoulder.

I'm taken back when his hands grab me by the waist rather roughly and push me back. He stands up, the legs of his stool scraping against the tile floor as he pushes it back, he lets go of my waist to run his hands through his hair in frustration or anger, I don't know. I can't read him right now, his body language says angry but his face reads hurt.

"I just lost my grandmother, you don't understand anything I'm going through. Just leave me alone." He snaps at me before stomping out of the kitchen, leaving me shocked where I stood by the counter.

I keep telling myself that he's just hurt and lashing out at the person closest to him, who just happens to be me, but it doesn't stop the tears from falling. I hastily wipe them away before walking over to the door and out to the guest house. I'm just going to give Harry some alone time to cool off, being with me right now isn't what he needs and I'm ok with that. Yes, it hurt having his lash out like that at me but I know he's hurting, and perhaps being with me isn't what he needs. Sometimes people need to be alone to process things.