"He was bad. He smoked, he broke the law, he drove too fast for his own good. He didn't care because no one taught him how to. But when it came to her, he wanted to be the best man. He couldn't bare the thought of her being hurt by him.... or by any...
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Listen to scared to be lonely by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa just because it's my favourite song ;) || A yawn passes my lips and I sigh softly and tiredly, unwanted feelings are coming forth and awakening me to a dark place. I miss my family, you know those moments when you just need to talk to your mother because you're so scared and you feel so alone in this. But you wouldn't tell your dad or siblings because your mum would only understand, but I also miss the activities and the teasing when it came to dad. And it also gets to the point where you want your sibling just to annoy you so you know that it's just a bad dream and you want them to be real.
My head thumps against the bathroom wall and I stay curled in a ball in the corner, Valentino shouldn't decide things for me; everything is my choice. He killed my brother, how could I forgive him? Kane was the only one left, now I'm really alone and the truth only haunts me until I can't sleep at night.
Do you also have those moments where no matter what someone says to try and comfort you, it never really does; sometimes it makes you feel worse. This may be a bad idea but I need fresh air, so I stand up open the bathroom door and walk out. My feet move on their own accord to the front door, at this very moment I'm glad it's 2 in the morning and everyone's asleep. My hand grips the door knob and I grimace as it makes a tiny sound when I unlock the door, quickly I open the door then walk outside shutting it behind me.
It's a cold spring night, the wind brushes through my hair and goose bumps form on my skin. Shivering I cross my arms over my chest and rub them, at this very moment it doesn't matter whether everyone is going to be mad at me for leaving at this sort of time without telling anyone or without going with someone. I'm an individual and I should be able to make my own choice, it's not like I'm some 4 year old child. No, I'm 21 and an adult that mostly acts like a child.
Looking around I take note of an old park, the playground is only little and rusty, the seats have faded and the metal has also gone rusty. Shrugging my feet make their way to a park bench and I sit down, after taking a seat I criss cross my legs and look around. Now I know how alone I really am, I'm a scared 21 years old that is acting as if she is 6.
I'm just scared and alone.
No one really will understand, they think that they do but they don't. Of course some people have experienced what I have but they also would've felt different about it because none of us are the same, we are all different. It's funny how when we were younger we knew all too fast how cruel the world is. As young people we also wanted to experience things, things that we shouldn't have wanted to experience but maybe some people wanted attention because they were lonely and their parents didn't even pay attention to them. But then once they experienced the illness they would realise how bad it really is to feel like it, they didn't want to have the feeling where they couldn't get out of bed and or wanted to die. Then things only get worse as you grow older.
