"He was bad. He smoked, he broke the law, he drove too fast for his own good. He didn't care because no one taught him how to. But when it came to her, he wanted to be the best man. He couldn't bare the thought of her being hurt by him.... or by any...
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It's now December 22nd. People are putting up their Christmas trees. Buying presents and rejoicing. Time sure flies, but I don't seem to be having any fun. Everything's getting worse, the weather, the people and my emotions. Sometimes at night, all I feel is pain so I have to go to the person whom I hate's room and lie with him. Not being around people makes me think terrible things. But being around people doesn't exactly make me the happiest person in the world either. Christmas is a time with family, but I have none and everything is so hard.
So many memories are rushing to me, I'm trying to grab one and hold onto it to be happy but nothing seems to be working. The pain is still evident and it doesn't seem to be going away, it's like a never ending storm of waves crashing down on me not letting me breath. And not being able to breath is hard. I don't know what's happening to me and I don't know how to stop it.
Everything just constantly hurts. I don't talk as much as I used to and words are left unspoken. I'm trying not to fall but it's hard. Are you trying to not fall for Val or fall into pieces? My brain says, I groan and slap myself. He's been my only source of comfort, no one else is around much. They're too busy focusing on their lives, I'm lucky to see them twice a week. Sometimes they stay longer.
I stare at myself in the mirror, my dark brown hair tangled from not being brushed in days. My muddy brown orbs, filled with tears and I don't know why. My skin pale and an ache in my chest. It's dark, everything's silent and I can't breathe. This seems to be happening a lot lately; the sadness. No matter how hard I try, it doesn't disappear. I just want to disappear.
My feet, on their own accord walk out of the bathroom and to Val's room. I open the door and stand there for a second wondering if I should wake him or not. My tears answer the question for me. I quietly walk over to the bed, I stand on the opposite side of where he is laying. I can't help but feel guilty, I'm laying int eh bed seeking comfort from the guy that killed my brother. I'm a horrible person. I pull back the covers and lay in the bed then cover myself, he stirs and the lamp switches on.
Val blinks at me tiredly and let's out a breath of air, his eyes zone in on my cheeks where the tears are falling and he gives me a sad look. He pulls me close to him and wipes my tears away with his thumbs, "you okay?" He whispers.
"No," I answer honestly. Valentino tries to keep his eyes open as he stares at me, blue eyes stare into brown ones.
"Have you been seeing your therapist?" He questions running a hand through his hair. I shrug, Val looks at me giving me a look. "You know that you have to see her, Willow," I close my eyes and sigh softly.
"I will tomorrow, just hold me, please," Valentino obeys to my request without any complaints, his arms hold me to him making me feel safe and protected. He turns off the lamp and everything goes silent.
"It's because of your family, right?" He mutters quietly, I stay silent not wanting to tell him the truth. "Tell me," he pleads.
Sighing I nod, "yes." Valentino stays silent for a moment, I keep my eyes closed.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I know that sorry doesn't do much, but believe me when I say that I did it for a good reason. Goddammit Willow, I don't want to be this way- none of us do. We don't wan't to be in a gang by our parents chose our lives for us or we chose it for ourselves. Is guys aren't completely heartless, okay? Believe it or not but all we want to do is impress you girls, we want to make you happy but I haven't been doing a good job at that. A-and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you intentionally Will, you're the only person that can make me feel and I can't let you go. I can't have you hating me though," his voice sounds desperate, longing.
"It's okay, Val. I forgive you." || "So, how are you doing Willow?" My gaze doesn't falter from the window, I keep staring. She coughs and I quickly look at her, I've learned that her name is Amber Rosalie. My therapist- a 40 year old woman named Amber Rosalie, who couldn't possibly help me with my issues.
"It never gets better does it?" I ask bluntly, she furrows her eyebrows. "Everything's a lie. You think you can help me but I don't think you can, deep inside you know you can't, so why are you helping me?" I stare at the woman in confusion.
"But deep down you know you can get better. Or do you not want to get better, Willow? Everyone can get better, it doesn't matter how long it takes but you know that it's possible. My job is to help people and I'm trying to help you, with all that negativity in your head.... You aren't really letting me help you," she gives me a look, waiting for me to disagree. But I don't. "See? You need my help, you aren't accepting it though," she raises her eyebrows.
"You do not know how messed up I am," she smiles and shakes her head.
"Of course I know how messed up you are, if you weren't then you wouldn't be here. You just need to face your problems head on, do you think you can do that?" I nod slowly.
"I will," I firmly state. || This is the only way to end it all: the pain. This can be the solution to everything, it will be a solution.
Killing the killer.
He's destroyed many lives so why don't I destroy his? By ending it all. I'm holding the gun with shaky fingers, I walk into the room and look at him; his eyebrows furrowed as he looks at his phone screen. He looks up as I walk into the room and he smiles, but then he sees the gun. "Willow, what are you doing?" Valentino asks panicking slightly.
With shaky hands, I point it at him. "Something that needs to be done." || Omg what happens! Well I guess you will have to stay tuned for the next chapter, won't you?
