Tortured Genius

Self-Love

EINDREID

Inhale, exhale. 

I can do this!

Ti-nap ni Angie 'yong balikat ko kanina and bid me goodluck. Ngumiti ako habang nakatingin lang sa akin si Sir Lucho at hawak 'yong index card ng grupo namin. Sinenyasan ko naman 'yong mga ka-grupo namin na taasan nang konti 'yong gawa naming 3d Model ng Water Cycle. I cleared my throat.

"Good morning Sir Lucho, good morning classmates," I said, roaming my eyes around the room.

"This is our improvised 3d Model for Oral Communication. As you can see, this model resembles the Water Cycle we already discussed on our previous years in our science subject." Tinuro ko silang lahat. "And, I bet you all know how it does its job." 

Humarap na ulit ako sa model at pinaliwanag na ang mga parts nito. "The sender is the ground water, the encoding is the evaporation, the message is the condensation, the precipitation serves as the decoding process and the surface run off is the receiver. The possible barrier for this operation is the movement of the wind and then, the feedback is the continuous loop of this cycle, just like how oral communication works. That's all, thank you." 

Sir Lucho nods his head as he gestures the next group to present their work. Bumalik na ako sa grupo namin at nakangiti sa akin sina Angel. She gives me a thumbs up.

"Nice, Santillan." 

Ngumiti lang ako and mouthed, "Thank you."

Habang nagpe-perform 'yong ibang grupo, sumisimple naman ako ng sulyap kay Chord. Nakadekwatro siya na naman at nakapalumbaba. She's staring blankly at the people in the front but I think her thoughts are flying into thin air. Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa harap pero hindi ko maiwasang mabahala sa inaakto ni Chord. 

I mean, she is really moody. Baka mamaya tumatawa na naman siya or inis na and that makes me worry more. Napakabilis niyang magbago ng mood at hindi pa inaasahan 'yong mga transitions ng mga 'yon. 

Minsan nga napapaisip ako kung may sakit na ba siya. Bipolar Disorder. Don't get me wrong. This is not like those instances na tinatawag na bipolar ang isang tao dahil sa simpleng mood swings lang. I can feel something different towards Chord. Thinking that she have this disorder, may suicidal tendencies siya panigurado. That explains why she's very active at some times, tapos merong mga oras na sobrang tamlay niya at ayaw makipag-usap. 

You see, sometimes we need to embrace our emotions, feel them, and understand them, so they don't get bottled up within ourselves. Emotions are there to visit us for a while, but they must leave after we have learned something from them. 

Then you may ask, what happens if that person shove their emotions and wear their facade all the time?

It's just a matter of waiting game before they collapse and breakdown, and I don't want that to happen to Chord.

Nang oras na para mag-present 'yong grupo nina Chord, I am not surprised na siya 'yong magpe-present. She always does that, naturally. 

Tumikhim siya at tipid na ngumiti. Tinignan ko 'yong 3d model nila at isa itong mini ATM Box na gawa sa karton. Pero halatang pinag-effortan kasi sa simpleng design nito na hango lang sa construction papers at onting metal foils.