The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Twenty Four

Rayna

I didn't leave Jaime's side until the maester was done with him. Now he's asleep and I'm speaking to the maester.
"You said he would be fine", I growl.
"And he will be"
"He fainted in the bathtub, he could have drowned if I wasn't there"
"Lady Rayna, he lost his hand and I had cut off his rotting flesh only mere hours before, once the fever clears he will be fine"
"When will it clear?" I ask wanting to know exactly what is happening with Jaime.
"I can see how worried you are but only time will tell", with that he leaves and I slam my hand on the table in frustration.
"Lady Rayna", Brienne says entering "How is Ser Jaime?"
"You know how he is, you were outside listening to me yell at the maester", I simply answer.
"Have I done something to offend you?"
"You are fond of Jaime aren't you?" I accuse as my rage at the maester, at Jaime, at everything overcomes me.
"He is my prisoner", she says acting shocked at the accusation.
"Exactly, he is your prisoner, remember that"
She scoffs and then turns on me "Lady Rayna, before you accuse me of improper feelings you should look at yourself"
"Improper feelings, is that supposed to offend me?" I laugh "I have no shame when it comes to my feelings for Jaime"
"He is madly in love with you while you can barely decide whether you hate him or tolerate him", she counters.
My eyebrow raises as I see she has very well exposed her feelings for Jaime "And there it is, you do care for him"
"More than you do", she accuses. "Every night Jaime would say your name in his sleep, every single night, while he was a proper prisoner all he could think of was getting free to go save you from the Red Keep. I never understood how he could love you so greatly that he cared for you more than anything else, I thought you must have been the perfect woman, honest and honourable like a Stark but no, he loves you because you are just like Cersei.
"I learned a great deal from her", I admit trying to restrain myself from snapping at her "But you do not know me or Cersei, and you hardly know Jaime so who are you to comment on our situation"
"There is no situation, he would do anything for you, absolutely anything and you can't decide if hate him or love him"
I lower my gaze as I know what she is saying is true and I feel sick to my stomach as I realise that I am becoming like Cersei in my bitterness.
"Get out", I growl
"Lady Stark"
"I said get out", I scream and she stumbles out very startled while I fall back into a chair.
What the hell am I doing. I love him. I know I love him. Why am I still struggling between love and hate. By my honour as a Stark I should hate him, by my family name I should hate him but I can't anymore. I can't keep pretending. I am in love with him.
Fuck honour, fuck loyalty. Nothing else matters. Only us.
I find myself walking to his room just down the hall. I enter without knocking and find him lying in bed asleep. His dirty golden hair falls over his eyes and he is peaceful, like I have seen him so many times before. Careful not to wake him I lie down beside him and gaze upon him. He would do anything for me, I know that is true.
The question is would I do anything for him? I reach over and touch the ring I gave him so long ago still hanging around his neck.
"Rayna", he murmurs in his sleep.
My hand covers my mouth as I stifle a sob. All the raw emotion I've suppressed finally coming through.
In that moment I know I will do anything for him. My Father is dead. Half of my siblings missing. The only reason I tried to stop loving him was because of my family name. Because I knew that they'd be ashamed of me, because of the look in my fathers eyes when he saw me standing there in Lannister red before his execution.
By my honour as a Stark I should hate him. But fuck honour. I don't care about honour I never have when it comes to Jaime.
I just want him as wrong as it is. I don't care if it's wrong. I love him.
No more hatred, no more distance. I am his and he is mine. How it always has been.
I take off the dress they gave me and go to the wardrobe to find a nightgown to slip on.
Then I lay down next to him and inch myself closer to him. The milk of the poppy I allowed the maester to give him has settled him into a deep sleep. All I've wanted ever since the day he left Kings Landing was to have him in my bed, to fall asleep beside him. I gently brush the hair out of his eyes and as I fall asleep beside him I've never felt so peaceful.