The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Fifty

Jaime

Before the feast I go to see Jon he's sitting outside the hall alone.
"As a bastard I was never allowed to sit at the table at the front of the hall, I was seated down the back and usually I'd come out here and drink until I forgot about why I started drinking", he reminisces as he sees me "Some of the time Rayna would sneak away and come drink with me because she didn't want me to be alone, I remember her fighting with Catelyn over seating me at the back, now I'll be sitting by her side"
"You deserve it", I say "To sit up there with her"
"I remember your brother coming out to talk to me during that feast with King Robert, he said all dwarves are bastards in their fathers eyes"
The mention of Tyrion pierces my heart a bit. He really was a bastard in our Fathers eyes. I love my brother but if I ever see him again I don't know what I would do.
"Who would have thought we'd end up where we are", I say trying to bring myself to confess what I did but I can't.
"Jaime, what did Sansa mean before Rayna made me leave the room so she could scream at her?" he asks knowing Rayna far too well "Tell me the truth, man to man"
I take a deep breath and prepare myself "The last time I was here, I was in the broken tower with Cersei, doing well, you can imagine and-"
Still I can't find the words.
"And what?" he asks still not piecing it together.
I didn't think it would be this hard. I've suppressed the memories to the point it feels like a bad dream. To the point where it doesn't feel real but it is real and I can't outrun what I did forever.
"Bran saw us, he didn't fall from that tower"
He turns away from me and can't meet my eyes "You pushed him?" He asks sounding absolutely deadly.
"Yes"
He is silent for a long while, unable to find the words but when he does all he can say is
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I love Rayna, I don't want her to lie for me, she knows everything I've done and she's found it in her heart to forgive me"
"You know that if anyone else found out what you did Rayna would have no choice but to have you executed"
"I know"
He walks closer to me and I can't tell if he's going to strike me or not.
"What are you two doing?" Rayna asks as she pokes her head out the door, her long dark hair falls over her shoulder and her wide eyes are so bright and full of life, so unaware of what is happening "It's time, get yourselves seated"
She heads back inside and I go to head inside but Jon puts a hand on my chest, half pushing me to stop me.
"I don't know how Rayna can still look at you like that after knowing what you did, but clearly Sansa hasn't forgiven you and neither will anyone else", he warns.
"I could stand here and defend what I did, that I did it so my children wouldn't be stoned to death in the streets, but there's no point, I will never be honourable enough for North or for a Stark"
He walks past me into the hall without another word.

Rayna

Jon and Sansa sit on either side of me at the table at the feast.
I've missed these feasts. There is nothing quite like a Northern feast. Before everyone is too drunk to remember tonight including myself I stand to give a speech.
"The North has begun a new era, one my brother began and one I shall complete, the North from this day until the end of time shall remain an independent kingdom, we shall never bend the knee again"
The men raise their drinks and began chanting Queen in the North.
"There are several people I would like to express my gratitude to for their assistance in the Battle of the Bastards, this new era also marks a new alliance between the North and the Freefolk from beyond the wall, who came to our aid in a time of need"
The wildings all begin cheering and Tormund downs an entire horn of ale.
"To the Northerners who came when we called for them, to our bannerman, to Lyanna Mormont and her men, to my Uncles Edmure and Bryden Tully "
Uncle Brynden raises his drink.
"Lord Royce and Lord Baelish and their knights of the Vale", I say somewhat reluctantly. I'm grateful for Lord Royce but I can't give any red flags to Littlefinger. He can't become alarmed or he will run like he did when he left me to the Bolton's.
"To Ser Jaime and the Lannister troops who came to our aid", I smile and I see him standing at the back of the room, with a proud smile as he watches me, but his eyes don't quite meet it "As my Father once said we find our true friends on the battlefield, and we have, to victory"
I raise my glass to a toast and so do the men.
"To a free and independent North", I cheer.
The men drink their toasts and become even rowdier. Except for Jamie who looks somber as he stands alone.
I sit back down and look at Jon trying to gage what is going on. He seems just as downcast as Jaime.
"Do you remember when we were young I'd fight with Mother about her not letting you sit up here then Father would try to explain to me that you weren't a proper Stark", I reminisce.
"Catelyn wasn't too happy when you told her that by blood I'm more of a Stark than her", he replies.
"I was more than a little drunk that night", I laugh, he tries to smile but it doesn't meet his eyes.
"Jon what's wrong?"
He shakes his head and smiles a little, clearly for my sake not his "Don't worry about it, we'll talk later"
I swallow hard as I remember he was just outside with Jaime. Jaime was gone when I left the room with Sansa earlier and I haven't spoken with him since. I assumed Bronn pulled him away for something to do with the Lannister troops. Why would he approach Jon outside the hall?
There is only one reason he would.
Jon looks at the Lannister ring on my finger with distain.
"He told you didn't he?", I whisper hoping to the old gods and the new that Jon has no idea what I'm asking him.
"He did", he confirms and I hang my head and can't bring myself to look at him. "How can you love a man who crippled a little boy?"
"Jon, I can explain", I begin.
"After the feast", he says quietly "Tonight we celebrate"
I've had to defend Jaime that many times I might as well have a speech prepared but no matter how many times I've had to tell it it's never any easier.
I look for Jaime and I see him still standing at the back of the room watching me knowing that I know.
Why Jaime. Why did you have to do this.
I see a look in his eyes I haven't seen in a very long time. I can't name the look but it makes my heart sink. I stand to go speak to him but he heads out the door.
"Your Grace", Littlefinger says stepping in front of me.
"Lord Baelish now isn't a good time", I say as I go to push past him but he stops me.
"But it is", he says "I have something urgent to speak to you about"
I try to look past him to see Jaime but he's gone.
"What?" I sigh.
"The Lords are wondering what you are going to do about marriage"
"That isn't urgent", I mutter as I go to move past him but he grabs my arm.
"Rayna"
"Your Grace", I correct as I rip my arm free, walking briskly through the hall and bursting out the back door as I run to find Jaime.