Song of the Winter Solstice (Gauntlet Series 1)

Chapter 32-Both Poles

Muli, marahang humakbang palapit si Killan sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi nito pinansin ang nakamasid lang na si Kenru sa 'di kalayuan. Ramdam ko ang tensyong unti-unting nabubuo sa pagitan ng dalawa. Kahit na hindi pa man nakakapag-usap ang mga ito, pansin ko sa tinginan ng dalawa ang labis na pagkadisgusto sa isa't isa.

Muling humawak si Killan sa magkabilang balikat ko. He gently presses them with his thumb. He looks down at me with his narrowing midnight eyes. Then I see a growing pain. "Idrish, my beloved wife. I know this is not the right time, but I need to say this. You are special, whether there's a crowned prince beside you or none at all."

Napaawang ang bibig ko. Hindi ako sigurado sa pinanggagalingan ng lalaki. Pakiramdam ko'y may gusto itong iparating bago ako tuluyang umalis ng Mors. Is he saying goodbye?

"I'm glad I met you. I know it's a short moment that I was able to know you, but I am pretty sure right here in my chest that you are a wonderful elven. It could have been a happy ending if not for this war. It could have been us. I l—like you the first time I saw you. Pero sa likod ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko, nakapatong ang isang mabigat na responsibilidad na kailangan kong pasanin. This makes me feel that everytime I look at you, I feel like I am staring at a distant star. I can see you, but I can't have you."

Napalunok ako. Kita ko sa mga mata nito ang sakit na binubugso ng dibdib nito. His gaze makes his claim so evident. "Why do I feel like you're saying goodbye? H—hindi na ba tayo magkikita?"

"The Miss could kill me, but I'd still do it to protect you and your family. Maaaring mabuhay ako at makabalik sa House Calore. You know, at first, I hated the idea of us getting married. But as the days grow old, because I met you and saw the real you, that dislike became the opposit. It turns to be my daily wish—seeing you. Gusto ko sanang totohanin ang kasal natin... P—pero mahirap nang mangyari 'yon."

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang pinapakinggan ang mga salita nito. I cannot see any form of a lie in his words. "I've been thinking about you since I left. But I guess it will no longer make sense to tell you that." Inipon ko ang lahat ng lakas ng loob na natitira sa katawan ko. Then, without shunning his gaze, I ask, " A—are you marrying Princess Lanuza?"

Napayuko ito. He stares at the ground as both of his arms surrender from my shoulders. Nanlabi ito na tila hindi mabigkas ng mga bibig ang kasagutan sa tanong ko. Malakas ang buntong hininga nito na tila iyon na lamang ang paraan para maibsan ang bigat kanyang dibdib. "I had to make huge decisions, Idrish. Some of which compromises our future relationship. It's painful but it's the only way I could save the queen's legacy—you."

Uminit ang gilid ng aking mga mata. Base sa sinabi nito, may hinuha na ako sa gustong tukuyin ng lalaki. Ito na siguro marahil ang dahilan kung bakit narito siya pati na rin si Princess Lanuza. They're allies against The Miss. Pero kapalit ng pagtulong sa kanya ng prinsesa isang kasunduang mawawala ako sa landas ni Killan at sila ang magkakatuluyan.

I want to say to him how much he means to me. I want him to know that he's already occupied a space in my heart. Kahit na sa napakaikling panahon. Mahalaga na siya. Marahil mahal ko na siya. Mahal ko na siya. I want to say those words, but the reality just weakens my gut to say it. "T—thank you for keeping them safe."

Sumilay ang ngiti sa isang sulok ng labi nito. Nang muling pumukol ang mga mata nito sa akin ay kusang sumilay ang kalungkutan doon. "Things don't work the way we imagine them. It's hard to say goodbye to someone like you, Idrish. You came unexpectedly. That was the best unexpected thing that had happened to me. I wish, we could do more."

"Yeah, I wish we have more time." Malungkot kong sabi. Napayuko ako para ikubli ang namumuong mga luha sa mata ko.

"Once you get out of Mors, you will meet some of my trusted people. Then your new life begins. Away from this chaos. Away from my world." Muli itong bumuntong hininga, nag-igting ang panga nito saka iniwas ang tingin bago muling bumalik sa akin. He holds my hand and I feel his palm gently pressing them. "Always remember Idrish, somewhere between our first meeting and this moment that I am bidding you farewell, there is this incredible feeling that I have never felt before. I wish that the stars guide you and keep you strong the way you used to be."

Ngumiti ako ng tipid. Bumagsak ang masaganang luha sa mga mata ko. I never expect that this man could bring such an impact in my life. "I will be forever grateful to your kindness, Prince Killan."

He clips his lips to hide the mix of tension and sadness in his chest. A liquid of sadness forms in his eyes. Nang hindi ito makapagpigil ay kinabig ako nito ay niyupos ng mahigpit na yakap. Dinig ko ang pigil nitong paghikbi na nakakulong sa kanyang dibdib. "M—may we meet anew. Please live."

"Tha gaol agam ort." Mahina kong sambit na nangangahulugang mahal ko siya. Pero hindi ako sigurado kung narinig nito ang sinabi ko. Isiniksik ko ang luhaan kong mukha sa matipuno nitong dibdib. Sinulit ko ang pagkakataon bago kami naghiwalay. I suddenly feel the cold air come pass between us.

He caresses my shoulders with his warm hands. Wala na itong binanggit pa. Humakbang ito paatras sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang bigat na pumailanlang sa mga dibdib namin. Mas lalong bumulwak ang masaganang likido ng kalungkutan sa mga mata ko lalo na nang tumalikod ito at naglakad palayo. Gumapang ang luha ko pababa sa aking pisngi. Nagdasal ako sa mga tala, na sana lumingon siya at maglakad pabalik para sabihin sa aking may iba pang paraan. May ibang paraan na hindi kami parehong masasaktan.

"Coimhead air ais... Coimhead air ais" paulit-ulit kong bulong sa sinaunang lengwahe ng Springgan na nangangahulugang look back. Tahimik akong nagdasal habang nakatingin sa papalayo niyang bulto.

Tha gaol agam ort. Coimhead air ais. Bulong ng puso ko. Pero hindi siya lumingon. Tuluyan itong naglakad palayo hanggang sa mawala na siya sa kumpol ng mga halaman.

Kumawala ang mahinang hikbi na kanina ko pa pinipigil. Pakiramdam ko'y sasabog ang puso ko. Hinabol ko ang aking paghinga nang maubusan ng hangin ang aking baga. Sumaliw ang malungkot na ihip ng hangin.

Hanggang sa...

Maramdaman ko ang pagtapik ng isang kamay sa aking balikat. Naulit pa ang pagtapik nito hanggang sa hindi ko na mabilang. Kenru, the cold warrior, is trying to console me. "Embrace your pain, Idrish. Burn it. That's going to be your fuel to your meaningful journey."

I do not respond. He keeps tapping my back.

"Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin sa prinsesang hiniwalayan ng prinsipe." He clears his throat. Hindi ko ito nililingon pero ramdam kong nakatitig ito sa akin. "We can either run and give up the base, or we can fight for victory."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi nito. Napalingon ako sa lalaki. He is waiting for me to solve the puzzle from his statement. I know Kenru is not the type of guy who would run from danger. He means it. "You want to fight till the end?"

"It's what we're here for. P—pero hindi ko gugustuhing kakagat ka sa ideyang 'yon. If your mission is to find the heirs of the season gauntlets, I can let you leave the arena, and we can try winning the game against them. Ayokong magtanim ng isang ideya sa utak mo na hindi mo gustong gawin o napipilitan kang gawin."

I agree with silence.

"We already live in a country where slavery is represented by our ranks, Idrish. I want people to have freedom everytime they make decisions. This game means a lot to us. Our victory can change Bonbon's life. It can lift Borracho and Rouma's rank as well. It would establish my stature as the king's bastard. Either we win the arena, or we die trying."

Napalunok ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Nagtatalo ang boses ni Killan at Kenru sa utak ko.

Is it a run or a fight?

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