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There were many times where I could have stopped myself from experiencing the inevitable heartbreak. But, then again, how could that have been possible? I was so consumed with everything he was, everything he made me realize not only about the world around me but also about myself. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I would change everything if I could go back in time. And every time my answer was never a definitive yes or no.

It's confusing to wonder how someone could love you the way they tell you, the way they show you, yet, one day decide that they don't anymore. The hardest part of losing him was never knowing why; never having any answers as to what caused it all to end. Did I say something? Do something? Was I not good enough anymore?

I can only remember truly crying over three things in my life: when my sister left, when he hurt me, and when he left me. Sometimes I wondered if he took advantage of the fact that I did not show all my hurt or my anger towards him. Maybe it was because more times than not, I wasn't mad, angry or upset. I was in love.

Maybe it was knowing that I was deeply in love that made the hurt of him leaving all that much more severe. When I woke that morning, finding the spot next to me cold in bed, I cried. I cried a lot. It took me 18 days to stop crying. Then, one morning, I woke up and shed no tears. I jokingly told Abby that I had finally dried all up. She didn't find it as humorous as I did, but that was alright with me. It was the first time I had laughed or smiled since he left.

The same morning I stopped crying, I wrote a list of 18 things I wanted to do. I didn't mean for it to be a list of that exact number, but I couldn't think of anything else. The number 18 always seemed to find a place in my life, whether I wanted it to or not. It was the number of letters in my name, the number of seconds it took when I was feeling overwhelmed to find peace again, and the age I was when I met him.

I never saw him again after he left. Honestly, I wasn't that surprised. He was always the one that found me, I never went searching for him. I never had to. So, I wouldn't even know where to start.

The day had come when I finally completed everything on my list. The last one, number 18, was by far the hardest one of them all. And for the first time in a while, I felt entirely at peace with myself. To celebrate the final task crossed off the list, Abby invited me to join her for a night out. I would meet her downtown at a new bar that had opened up, I didn't mind going alone. Stepping inside, it was busier than I had expected for a place that was all black on the front and didn't have a sign. Maybe it was some new hipster trend. Without the strict instructions from Abby, however, I would have walked by without noticing it.

I made my way towards the end of the bar, patiently waiting to get the bartender's attention who was down at the other end. I busied myself by pulling out my phone to send a text saying I was here. Just as I sent it, a drink was placed down in front of me.

"Oh, I didn't order yet," I said, glancing up at the bartender who stood in front of me.

"I know. He did." The man nodded towards the other end.

I followed his gaze, my eyes widening as to who he referred to. When my eyes caught his, my heart sank, and my chest started to tighten. I watched as he raised his own glass, tipping it slightly as if to say 'cheers'. A smirk crossed those familiar lips before he took a sip of his drink.

Hunter.

For the first time in 18 months, my eyes met his once again. The irony was not lost on me.

2021; thank you so much for reading my story. i appreciate it so so much! can't believe i started this back in 2019! enjoy my angels xoxo <3