Smile, Billie [ a billie eilish fanfic | girl x girl ]

22 - girlfriend

22 - girlfriend

B E L L A

It's been a day after Mason and I have kissed at the park.

Okay, let's talk about this kiss.

Sure, it was nice, but when our lips touched, I didn't really feel a certain spark.

Something's missing, but I don't know what it is.

I really like Mason, but... I don't know.

I've also kissed Mason several times before we broke up, and those kisses felt like yesterday's, too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that kisses in real life don't feel like how they portray it in books.

Books describe kisses as fireworks and butterflies; magical and intense — but whenever I kiss Mason, it doesn't really feel anything like that.

I guess kisses are overrated; they aren't really magical.

Or maybe Mason isn't the right person for you?

He is, though.

What if kisses actually are magical, and you just haven't kissed the right person to prove the fact, yet?

Oh my gosh — shut up!

Why are you even with Mason?

Because I like him, idiot.

But, do you love him?

... Yes.

Oop– you hesitated!

I did not! I do love him!

What if you still have feelings for Billie?

I do not! Shut up!

I have a huge plot twist for you, Bea: what if Billie likes you?

Eww, me? No way.

I mean, the only reason you got back with Mason is to move on from Billie, right?

That's not why!

Because you didn't have a chance with Billie, since she liked Q!

Stop.

But now, she's moved on from him! You have a chance now!

I'm taken, Bea!

Easy! Break up with Mason.

No! I like him!

But–

No!

I'm not arguing with myself again.

I mentally facepalm myself.

"Honey!" mom calls me from the living room. "Hurry up!"

Great. I've been taking too long in the shower because I've been arguing with myself.