Dear My Devil

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🎵 Beautiful - CHEN ❤︎

= To you who have been waiting, I'm on my way to pick you up. Everything looks so beautiful because it's colored by you. =

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"It came true," I breathed, grinning wider than before. He wore a cap tonight and I loved the boyish vibe it gave. Anyway. "Why are you here again?"

"What about you?" He asked me back with a hearty smile and invited himself in. He sat on the ground beside me, leaning against the wall the way I did. "I didn't think you'd still be here cause it's Sunday but I tried my luck anyway and it worked. Are you not going home?"

I stretched our my arms for a bit and sighed, "I'm not that excited about going home. I think I'm happier here."

"I hope you're not waiting for me," he eyed me and I felt exposed already. "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like it. I'm just scared you'll have to wait a long time before I ever show up."

I smiled brighter at that. "Don't worry, I'm very good at waiting."

"No, I'm not trying to make you wait for me or anything," he chuckled and gave me a good look. "I'm just glad I decided to pop by tonight."

"Me too." I couldn't hide my big smile either.

"How was your performance?"

"It was good but," I paused, not sure if he wanted to hear about it.

"But something's bothering you." Jongdae completed the sentence for me. "I'm all ears."

It was as if he had the key to my secrets chest because one assurance from him was enough to get me talking.

"Well, I'm not so sure," my smile dropped and Jongdae waited for me to continue. "You already know I rapped the song but this is supposed to be a vocal evaluation. The most I did was harmonise some parts of the song but I don't think it's enough to show my vocal skills. I'm practically invisible, and I fear that... they'll think I'm not good enough. It's unfair but there's nothing I can do."

"I can't tell you not to worry, but you're here now, aren't you? You're here and you're given the chance to perform. Just always do your best to prove that you're worth being a part of the group. Your effort isn't yours only, but it speaks for the team. If you didn't do the rap, someone else have to, but whether or not they pull it off the way you did is a different thing." Jongdae shifted himself so that he was facing me properly.

"I just want to tell you that not everyone has it easy, but don't fear. Fear will only swallow you up and make you doubt yourself more. Just because you don't get the chance to sing now doesn't mean that you're failing. You're simply working on something else now, like rapping, and I'm pretty sure you did well? So don't dwell too much on the fairness. Think about the chances you get instead, work on things that you can do at the moment, and not about what you can't do. Okay?"

I nodded softly, "okay."

Hearing him talk gave me comfort. At my response, he ruffled my hair and sent me another smile. A smile looking like he was proud of me and it boosted my self-esteem. Yay.

I tapped his hand when I was reminded of something else. "Oh god, there's one more thing. You won't believe who's the vocal coach for my program." Jongdae stayed still but I couldn't wait further to reveal. "It's Chen from EXO..." I mumbled sourly like I was about to cry.

"You're the first person I know who gives that kind of reaction," he chuckled, shaking his head in wonder.

"Every time I think of them now, I feel like I sinned," I muttered. "I mean, I was just peeking at their practice... not at them naked. Why do I feel so guilty? This is so NOT me..." I sighed, "but if I ever get caught, I think I'll be doomed as a trainee." I rubbed my forehead.