Dear My Devil

10 | blacken my heart

🎵 Money - DAWN

= Who will fill my empty soul? If money can't buy happiness, how does one live? If I ask for answers, would that make me a snob? =

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EXO... CHEN... Jongdae... EXO... CHEN... Jongdae... CHEN... JONGDAE?

The girls were all squeaking and fangirling at him. Jongdae- no, Chen, no, I mean the coach, made his way to the chair that was prepared at the center of the room while thanking every girl for their praises.

There he sat in the spotlight, presenting his godly smile to others while I remained on the ground, helpless and in great turmoil.

"We didn't just meet like this. You were the reason we met." I remember how his words used to caramelize my heart but it stings me bitterly now.

"No matter what happens, you're still Jisoo and I'm still Jongdae, okay?" When he said this, did he expect me to be surprised at the news for a minute and let it go the next second?

Because no, shit happens, and that was not 'no matter' to me.

I stared, muted at the truth before me and felt myself becoming smaller and smaller. Unlike the girls in the room, happiness was the last thing I could feel. My emotions were stirred in confusion, embarrassment, sadness, betrayal, and much more unexplained. I thought I was getting to know him until he suddenly showed up being another guy and an idol at that. This man was not the man I knew, he was a total stranger.

My chest strained, and I couldn't smile thinking that the moments we shared were bliss anymore. I was a fool to speak my mind to a person who wasn't truthful to me, who knew my situation when I didn't know his, who comforted me when he was the centre of the universe and I was Pluto.

It felt like I had stripped naked to a person fully clothed.

"Hey?" The nearest girl tapped me. Everyone's eyes were suddenly on me, including Jongdae's. "He's calling you," she continued. I stared back at him with no expression. He seemed confused at my blank expression when I didn't know what emotion to show.

"Why me?" I muttered louder than I thought.

"What do you mean why you? He asked all of us to each sing a line! You're next, dumbass." The girl hissed softly at me. Took me a while to notice she was one of Yuri's chipmunks from earlier.

I blinked aimlessly and searched for my lyrical sheet. All of a sudden, I couldn't do without it. My mind was far away and I suddenly couldn't remember the song we were doing. Just like this, my practice in the last two hours vanished into thin air. It was as if I got disconnected from my reality and I couldn't find my way back. Tears started to fuzz up my vision and I grew more insecure by the second. Everything in this situation seemed against me and I wanted to hide.

"Jisoo, what are you doing?! You're supposed to..." The same chipmunk kept going at me. I needed to get my shit together but I couldn't do it in here so I stood up abruptly, and the chipmunk finally stopped yapping.

I didn't want to look rude in the middle of class so I afforded one glance at him. The coach. "Sorry, I need the restroom." I blurt out an excuse and ran out.

Again, I was at the restroom staring at myself in the mirror today. "I'm not going to cry," I reminded myself.

I wasn't going to look easy just because that guy thought he managed to fool me. Why should I even be upset? All I had to do was act like I don't care. He is just a coach who knew me earlier than the other trainees, nothing more. My nose went red as I revisited the memory of us.