In a Heartbeat (MxM)

Chapter 38

A/N: I was this close to deleting the first part, but then made an epiphany of how it could be important later so *shrugs shoulders*. Anyways, hope you enjoy Simon seeking answers, things will be picking up so enjoy! As always, I love reading your comments and thoughts, so keep them coming. I'll try to respond, but it's hard not to spoil anything, lol. 

Chapter 38

Simon's POV

With Sarah's advice and Sam's previous words of encouragement running through my head like a mantra, I decided that I needed to find that closure. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, or if I'd find everything I needed, but it was long overdue. I'd try, and that in itself was something I deserved.

I had spent the last couple of nights at Sarah and Aspen's place, giving myself some time to relax and plan things out, especially with how I'd approach Vince. I was certain that he'd be his usually cryptic and somewhat abrasive self, so I had back-up plans on top of other back-up plans. Talking to Vince about it was going to be painful, no doubt about that, so I was aware that it may take a while, possibly days, for me to paint the whole picture and fully understand everything.

In the meantime, I was going to visit my childhood home, something I had put off for the month of me being here. The memories, both good and terrifying, were something I was equally unsure of whether I was prepared or not to face it, but it was something that needed to be done. I needed to see them, talk to them, and pay my respects, finally. I owed them that much.

But as I had neared the street my home was, all that courage and preparation I had seemed to suddenly falter.

In hindsight, I should've seen it coming. But seeing it stick out like a sore thumb among the renovated and even new houses nearby, it really did look like the home had been lost in time. From what I could see, the paint had faded, a few shingles missing, the chimney stack crumbling, a few of its bricks sitting precariously on the roof.

As I got closer, the yard was a different story. From where I stood, the grass was trimmed pristinely, the fence looked like it had recently gotten a fresh coat of white paint, a tree I didn't recall off to the side that shaded a garden next to the house that hadn't been there before. If I hadn't known any better, it looked like a different house. Even our front porch looked like it had been swept, fresh flowers sat between the two rocking chairs.

And yet, I still could feel the pressure building in my chest, the sight of my home finally in front of me. I felt like a foreigner, a stranger here. The fence that stood between me and my childhood home felt like an invisible barrier, trying to push me away from here. Despite spending half my life here, it didn't feel like home anymore.

I breathed in and out. Then again, and again, until I finally felt like I wasn't about to break down again. I probably should have brought Aspen with me, or even Xavier. Anyone that could come and pick the pieces of me if I shattered. But I was determined to at least try and do this on my own.

But I knew going into that house, even setting foot in our front yard, I was scared. Stupidly scared of the emotions and feelings I'd dredge up from just being here; in the same exact place my life had fallen apart.

And with that, my vision blurred, my knees weak as I stumbled backward, stepping away from the house that once held my happiest moments. Nicole's sixteenth birthday, my parent's throwing us birthday parties, painting the house with mom's favorite colors. The younger ones and their first steps and first shifts. My parents getting the adoption approved for baby Stephen.

I walked away from there, turning back the way I came when I could hear my name being called. I ignored it, trying to wipe the tears away as it got louder and louder. It went silent before I felt two arms wrap around my torso, someone resting their head on my back.