Ash x Gary (Palletshipping)

When Life Gives You Lemons...Well, Oh My God

Me: *Watches a video on YouTube* "...At first, I was like: That's funny. Yeah, Professor Oak is trying to hit on Ash, Gary...Then it went too far...In so, so many ways...And I think I've hurt you enough over the course of this fanfic...Someone please hold me...I didn't think I had a conscience anymore...But I do. Oh, Arceus, save me, I do."

You: *Moderately uncomfortable* "Well, that was bleak."

Gary: "...You should've seen the video..."

Me: "No, Gary," *Grabs him* "I wouldn't wish that on anyone..." *Releases Gary* "I'm gonna go take a break from fangirling in that corner over there..." *Starts to slowly walk away*

Ash: "You say that...but isn't this the smut chapter?"

Me: "Oh...Yes, it is. Forgive me. I've lost the will to live, but I'll get right on that for you."

Ash: "I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO!" *Tries to run away*

Me: *Restrains him without any real enthusiasm* "Here, Gary, claim your virgin..."

Gary: "...You're making this a little depressing, so I'm just gonna...put a sheet over you, so I don't have to look at your face anymore..."

Me: *Stands in corner, unmoving, covered in a bedsheet*

You: *Actually caring for my sanity* "WHAT VIDEO?! WHO DID THIS?! WHY?! WHY?!"

Teagan: *Face buried in hands* "The story's starting..."

You: *Forgets me* "YAYYYY! STORY TIME!" *Gets a snack, offers it to me* "You want a popsicle?"

Me: *Looks up at you from beneath the sheet slowly* "I can't have popsicles anymore..."

You: *Looks at popsicle, shrugs, eats it* "I'm sure you'll recover. Start the story, now, okay?"

Me: "...Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and everything else to all...And to my soul, good night..."

You: -_-; "Stop that. You're acting like you're innocent."

Me: "...Oh, and this is the chapter where Fifi—silverisgayy—appears in the fanfic...I'm so, so sorry...Please play the music first to enhance your reading experience. I picked this version of the song because, ironically, they recorded it on Christmas two years ago...and I'm so, so sorry..."

Gary: "Ignore her. For all you know, she's smiling demonically right now."

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*Gary's POV*

After Ash's successful Mossdeep gym battle, which was surprising, I booked two airplane tickets to Sootopolis—first class—and I refused to let the Skitties and Pancham board with us. Ash said something inane about wanting to fly there on his Charizard, but I flat-out refused—flying on pokémon has never made any sense to me. Plus, on an airplane, I can actually whisper sweet nothings to him and be heard, and it doesn't hurt to be a little suave as fuck before taking him to a hotel room and screwing his brains out because I know he's gonna freak out on me as soon as we get there—just because we've sort of set off on a new foot here, doesn't mean that he's actually changed as a person. But that's not a bad thing—I don't want or expect him to change: I fell in love with Ashy-boy—smile, idiocy, perfection, flaws, and all. And I wouldn't change who I was for him either—I wouldn't even know how. Sure, he makes me want to be a better, kinder person for him, but that doesn't automatically make me one.

Well, at any rate, we've already landed. I managed to get a little champagne in him, too, on the plane ride, and he's looking a tad tipsy, laughing at everything. Hopefully that means whatever panic attack he winds up having in the hotel suite I booked is just that much easier to talk him down from.