the progress project [3]

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yuli

she finds atília in the library, working on some sort of essay. his eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration, gray eyes reading and rereading the same line. she plops down in the leather chair next to him too comfortably. "hey..."

he looks up, totally unreadable. "hi."

"wanna help me study for french tonight? we can watch a movie afterward. i was thinking some good classics? you haven't started the star wars series, so—"

"do you have any idea how hard it is?" he asks, shutting his laptop to pay full attention to her. she doesn't know how to reply. "do you? to sit here and have you talk to me as if we are just friends? when you know how i feel about you? i am not saying you have to have the same feelings, but if you did not want to be with me, why did you sleep with me? why did you make me think that you actually liked me back? everything cannot just go back to normal after that, yuli."

"i don't know," she says. she stares at the charcoal-colored carpet, trying to channel her emotions into a coherent thought. "i don't know what i want. i just needed a distraction that night—"

"i am not a distraction!" he says in a voice a few octaves higher, earning glares from several other students. his voice drops back to a whisper-yell. "i am not going to keep letting you walk all over me when you are upset. i deserve more than that."

she meets his gaze again. her hand itches to reach out and hold his, but she places it in her lap instead. "you do... and i can't give you that. not right now. just..."

"you need time."

she nods. "a week or two? i need to figure things out."

"okay."

"okay?" she furrows her eyebrows and studies his facial expression. "you're going to wait? i'm not going to make you do that. i mean... there are so many people that that you could want, that want you."

he picks up all of his belongings, shoving them in his bag and zipping. his back is to her, and his voice is low. "i don't want any of them."

he turns, his eyes burning a hole into hers, and her breath hitches. the effect he has on her is so powerful that it feels as if she's staring into the sun.

he exits the library, leaving her to think about his underlying message, the words that he hadn't said, the words that she can't help but think as true; i want you.