the progress project [3]

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fiona

"fiona," christian says, setting down his fork and pushing his plate of spaghetti away. "where have you been lately? we've barely spoken, you've been away a lot more recently with your new client... is everything okay?"

no, she wants to say, but the word gets stuck in her throat. "everything's fine."

he gets up from his seat and crouches next to her, fingers dancing along her forearm. "i know you, fi, and i know when something's bothering you. what happened?"

"noth..." she starts off, but can't keep up a façade with him. "i'm pregnant."

christian's face morphs into shock, and his hand falls away. "what?"

"you heard me," she swallows.

"how far? how long have you known?" he asks, rolling the bottom of his lip through his teeth.

she looks away and watches the clock move. he won't support her, oh god, he won't he won't he won't— "seven weeks. i've known for two."

"oh," he breathes. "i'll help you. i know we've only been dating for five months and we may not be ready for a baby, but we'd make great parents, and i would love our beautiful child to pieces and—"

"stop," she chokes out a sob, ignoring the tear that slides down her cheek. "stop, christian. i can't... i'm not keeping it."

"wh..."

"i'm not keeping the fucking baby!" she roars, dissolving into a puddle of shame. he's going to leave her, and this will be it. "i can't keep it, because i can't support it. my mental health still isn't the best, and i'm finally starting to get my life back on track and getting my master's degree. i can't...."

"it's okay," christian replies. a tear forms in his eye, too. he wipes it away hastily and forces a smile onto his face. "maybe in the future, in a few more years..."

"how can you still want to be with me?" she laughs, blinking away the blurriness in her eyes. they're clutching each other so tightly that she can't feel anything. "i just told you i want an abortion after you seem to want a family... i'm a monster."

"you're not a monster because you aren't ready for it."

"i..."

"one day, if you want kids, then we'll have them, okay? because you're it for me, fiona letkum. and i'd love to start a family with you in the future. if that isn't right now, then it isn't right now; i get it. just know that i love you and support you for whatever decision you make."

she hugs him tightly and doesn't let go until her cries calm down.