Everything to Me

90.

TW: Implications of suicide, Mention of torture and sexual assault

Sirius' POV

Juli was out of the hospital wing after 2 days. With help from Lily, she was trying to cope with all the work she had missed.

The only problem was that with the war looming, the Ministry had included illegal curses in their studies. Anytime they were remotely mentioned, Juli would empty her stomach out in the bathroom.

The fact that she would flinch at the smallest of touch or whenever someone argued in loud volumes didn't help. Her love language had always been physical touch and gentle talks. Hugs, arms around shoulders and waist, drawing circles on back, kisses on the temple and forehead and no one could comfort her without touching her.

No one except her friends knew about the pregnancy. Dumbledore had agreed to help her with concealment charms but no one knew how to help her.

She couldn't study, barely ate, rarely slept. Sirius couldn't help but blame himself. It was not like he could impose himself on her.

She needed time and space. She had been away for a month and he understood that. He just didn't know how much of it she needed or how long it would take.

She would have night mares which no one would understand, no matter how much they tried.

Sirius was getting frustrated. Frustrated of not knowing, not being able to comfort her. He felt shunned out. He loved her too much to be another second without her. Before he realized, that pain and hurt turned into anger.

Juli's POV

She was sitting in the Great Hall during lunch, silently staring at her food and eating once every few minutes as small conversations happened around her.

When it was almost over, Juli sighted Regulus leaving the corner and after a quick "See you later" to Lily, followed him to the Black Lake.

"Reggie..." she said.

He turned back sharply, with a look of hurt and anger. "You lied to me."

"No... I mean, I did but it was for your - "

"Do not give me that, Potter! I don't care. You said you were my friend!"

She took a step back as his voice rose.

"And I told you to be careful! One thing I asked you to do and - "

"I'm pregnant. I - It - Mulciber." She said suddenly.

Regulus stopped midsentence. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again.

After hesitating for a second, she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. He returned it in an instant, hugging her back.

"I told you these people are dangerous, Juli. I - I can't see you like this..." He inhaled deeply closing his eyes. "I cannot believe you didn't see it before."

"See what, Reggie?" She asked softly, not wanting to leave the embrace.

"I was wrong about how I felt before. I thought I was in love with you." He chuckled lightly as Juli's eyes widened. "I was not. I know it now. But that doesn't mean I don't love you, because I really do and - "

"So that is what's going on here!"

They heard James' undeniable voice and pulled apart instantly and saw him and Sirius standing a few feet away.

"What?" She scoffed. "This is not what it looks like  Jamie. What in Merlin's name -"

"I don't care, Juliette!" Sirius said suddenly, interrupting him. "This is not fair!"

Juli's heart raced as Sirius came closer and became louder.

"We can't even touch you... I can't even hold your hand and you're hugging him! We were supposed to get married. You asked me! Didn't you? But this..."

"You did what?!" Regulus asked in disbelief as his eyes went to the ring on Sirius' finger.

"Wow." Sirius sighed. "He didn't even know. I thought he was your best -"

"Why would I?" Juli said calmly. But everyone knew it was the calm before a storm.

"Why would you what?" James asked.

"Let you touch me. Or - or hold my hand. I was in that dark place for a month. A MONTH! Getting tortured, again and again. Every second felt like it would be my last. I wanted it to be. Death was better than being there!"

The boys looked in horror as she talked, saying words she had never thought she would say, her bottled up emotions exploding.

"Every day, Voldemort painfully tried to read my mind. Trying to expose all my memories, my secrets, my moments. Our moments." Her voice cracked.

"But you know what made me angry? That you lied." She said, looking at James and Sirius with fire in her eyes. "You both promised. YOU BOTH FUCKING PROMISED! Time and time again, you said you would keep me safe, be there for me. So where the hell were you when I was in there, unable to breathe, feeling Mulciber's hands all over my body, not wanting to live any longer?!"

"Jules, I -" James stepped, moving towards her.

"You know what," she sniffled. "Doesn't matter. What's done is done. I would appreciate it if you keep your thoughts about me hugging someone to your own, lying, selves."

She walked away without a second glance, heart shattering into pieces with every step.