33. Giving a Chance

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-Luke-

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-Luke-


It started raining while I walked home. Of course it did. I still had almost a thirty-minute walk ahead of me, but I didn't want to take the bus, in case... I didn't want to see him. He was always the first person I had in my mind when I woke up, and the last when I tried to fall asleep, but at that moment I wished he didn't exist.

"Troy..."

I broke my leg just a few weeks after starting junior year in high school, and Troy was the first one who signed my cast. That was also the first time I met him. I couldn't believe there could be a guy who would write their name on some stranger's cast just like that. But that was Troy, always friendly to everyone, no matter who they were. He was full of sunshine.

And ever since that day, he had been in my mind. I spent my entire junior year watching him from afar, slowly falling in love with him. I wasn't going to say anything to him, but it just slipped. I, of all people, told him how I felt, and regretted it immediately when I saw how uncomfortable my confession made him.

I still regretted it. It was the worst decision I had ever made. I didn't regret taking the chance, no, but he had been distant ever since. I knew he tried his best to avoid me. I knew every time I touched his hand he knew it wasn't an accident. Every time I tried to talk to him, he knew what I wanted from him, and he was careful with his words. Every time I tried to be close to him, he took a step away. Every time we were in a group, he made sure there was someone standing in between us.

The rain grew heavier, but I was close to my home already. I wished my parents weren't there. My mom was great at picking up my moods, and I wanted to be left alone. When I reached the gate of our yard, their cars weren't there. I sighed and walked to the front door, and when I opened it, I was immediately greeted by Bella, who was as energetic as always.

"Settle down," I spoke quietly, but she was way too happy to see me to even stand still.

She ran to get one of her toys, and she brought it to me as a welcome-gift.

"Not now..." I sighed and walked past her, feeling bad for not playing with her, but there was an empty void inside me, and I couldn't find the energy to do so.

I got up in my room and tossed my bag next to my desk before I sat down on the edge of my bed. My clothes were soaking wet, but I didn't care. For a long time, I just stared right in front of me, scratching Bella behind her ears when she sat down at my feet.

I kept telling myself to stop. I always tried to tell myself that it was stupid to keep hoping he would... What did I expect? I had no chances, I never had, but I still kept dreaming. It was agonizingly clear to me he would never give me a chance, but my heart just wouldn't give up hope. Not even now.

I stood up so fast that Bella got spooked, and I apologized to her on my way to the bathroom. I peeled off the wet clothes and stepped under the hot shower, feeling empty and miserable.

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