"What's depression like?" He asked.

Things get better - I promise

Well hi everyone,

This feels almost awkward. Out of place. At some point last month I started re-reading WDLHA. To remind myself, to reflect, to look back on how much I have - hopefully - managed to do on here.

Re-reading my past entries from those years ago makes me sad still. Feeling the need to write words like that, forming sentences like that, it will never not make me sad to know that there is a possibility to feel like that. To me, it continues to be unfair that there are people out there who relate to WDLHA.

Our inbox was full, which made me feel guilty for not being able to provide the help asked. I just feel that stepping away from this and living my life out there was crucial to grow. As a person, at least a person like me, spending time in your head, spending time on here, spending time putting things down on a digital piece of paper... it helped. It provided me a kind of security, a platform, and love that I longed at that moment in time.

However, getting better for me did not go hand in hand with an online outlet. Writing words down that I should've spoken. Seeking help and comfort here, while I should've sought help and comfort in the real world.

So that's what I did. Those couple years ago, when we all decided to log-out, we had no idea that it would be for so long. For a while I decided that it was forever. However, I feel like I owe you at least a last part. At least a final story. A final note of encouragement.

A happy ending.

Because that's what this is. I want to let you know that happy endings do exist. That things get better, I promise. Because they did.

Those years ago I could've never imagined things to turn out right. I thought I would feel the way I felt forever. That I was destined to live out my life miserable and taunted. But the biggest victory you can have on those that wrong you is to become happy.

It took me a while, I'm not going to lie. Therapy is still ongoing and I'm not ashamed about that. Because why would I be? I'm working on me, trying to improve myself, letting go of the things that once stood in my path. It's a roller coaster, a journey, constantly putting effort in. Fighting off those feelings, those memories. But mostly, accepting.

I have started to accept that things have happened to me that shouldn't have happened. That people left, that people hurt me, that I probably hurt others. I don't shy back from talking about my past anymore. It's a part of me, it defines me, but it doesn't at the same time.

Because I am more than just that trauma. I'm more than those experiences. I'm more than my depression ever was. I've started believing in the person I can be when I don't let that person be controlled by others. When I don't let them win. When I talk someone and explain, and they confirm that what I have been through is not my fault.

Because it's not.

I will never forget how it feels to be sad. How it feels to feel alone. How it felt to share that with all of you, on here, out in the open. Letting it all out.

I am more than grateful for you. You have helped me in so many ways, you can't even imagine. When I needed it the most, you were there. When I felt like I had no outlet, no way of explaining myself, no way of making people understand, you all made me feel understood.

I will never forget that. It's exactly what I needed at that point, when I was too scared to actually do it in real life. When therapy wasn't enough. When I needed the comfort of people telling me that knew how I felt, felt the same way - regardless how sad that still makes me - and the small community we managed to built. I know so many of you found each other after this. Through WDLHA.

This book is ours. It's not mine. You have all shaped it into what it is. Into this medium that has helped so many people. Made so many people feel understood. That has allowed people to find each other, support each other, and make each other feel less alone.

The world can be a dark place. Especially in your head. We are so reliable on other human beings to be happy, and when they don't manage to do so, it affects who we are. Most likely forever. And in some instances, it's not even people. It's just this feeling. This gutting feeling.

It's what depression feels like. Even if he (or she) doesn't ask.

But if anybody asks what depression does feel like, tell them. Explain to them. Ask for help. "What does depression feel like" He asked, should be answered. By us. Because we know. We have felt it, might still feel it, might still live it. Even if it's just a bad moment.

I just want to tell you that things do get better. That I thought, in a lot of moments, for many years, that it wouldn't. But it did.

Life is okay. I'm happy. I allow myself to be. To view the world through a different pair of glasses. To enjoy my friends, to enjoy where I am now. How far I've gotten.

And I believe you can too.

Once again, I would just like to thank every single one of you. Me and the other guys. You have impacted our lives more than you would ever know. When we first launched our Wattpad account it was because I felt like I needed to blow of some steam. They joined, enjoyed, and they still talk about it sometimes. How many amazing people we've met on here. How lucky we were to have had that group surrounding us. To talk to, to share thoughts with, to relate to.

I truly hope all of you, every single one of you, finds the happiness that you deserve. Because you do. You deserve all the love, all the laughter, and all the life that there is.

Remember, it does get it better. I promise.

- Kyran