"What's depression like?" He asked.

Family

Family. 

For some it can be the greatest thing. The most valuable, the most rewarding. A group of people that you share blood with, DNA, birthdays, experiences, holidays, and everything else. 

In America, family is something untouchable. Something that  nobody should ever talk badly about, as it concerns those people that have known you the longest and apparently stood by you through most of your life.

However, for some, that kind of family does not exist. For me, that kind of family does not exist. Throughout this book you have gotten to know me and my family situation. A situation that has known more dark times than bright ones, more fights than happy birthdays, and more beatings than hugs.

I do believe that there are more like me out there. People who can not say that their family, their family bounded to them by blood, is the greatest thing that was gifted to them. They, just like me, have a troubled past, a messed up childhood, and a family that they would've rather left sooner than later.

To say that I have "gotten away" from my family often startles people. Why would anyone want to voluntarily get away from their family? Why would anybody want to leave those people behind, those who have known you for the most amount of years?

There's some kind of stigma on those who have chosen to join a different family. A family that they have picked out themselves, and who have proven to them that they actually care. Because in my eyes, that is what family is all about. Caring. Being there. Accepting mistakes, failures, and not getting mad about them. Not getting upset when things go wrong, because you can sometimes not contain yourself.

I am a difficult person. I have always been, and my past has only contributed to that. I can throw tantrums, get upset over little things, lock myself in my room for days without eating or speaking. My friends, my family, never get mad about it. They try to take care of me, even when I don't want them to. They are there in my worst times, my best times, my numb times. They always have, and I know they always will.

What do mother's day and father's day look like to me? They are a day of celebration, just like in any family. A celebration of my friend group, who I know have my back and have replaced the people I could never care about. Sure, it brings some sadness with it. When I see happy kids in happy families, with supportive parents who love them regardless. It does hurt, as I know I have never experienced that and never will the way they do. I will never know what it is like to have a dad who watched you play football and cheers when you score. I will never know what it is like to have a mom who hugs you, or comforts you after a nightmare.

Often people ask me how I can miss something I never had. It is because of what I see. It is because I know what is normal, and I never had normal. I will never have normal. I won't have parents there when I marry, have children or succeed at my career. I will never have them praise me, or celebrate me. I will never have them wish me happy birthday, which they stopped doing anyway after I turned about five. 

Missing parents, or even missing one parent, for whatever reason is tough. Every important occasion, you will question what it could've been like. What would it look like if they were here? What would they say if they cared? Would they cry at the birth of their grandchildren?

I will never know. I can only rely on those I have picked to trust. And even that, is sometimes difficult. I trust them with all my heart, I truly do, but I have been hurt a lot (cliché, I know). They will never hurt me, I am sure about that, somewhere in my heart, but the doubt remains. What if they leave? What if I am left all alone? I don't have parents, I don't have grandparents, I have nobody except for them. 

They are my family. My only family. I don't want to imagine a world without them.

So everyone who is missing a parent, or both parents, for whatever reason - whether it is death, absence, abuse - know that you are not the only one. And know that family is not simply based on genetics. It is based on trust, love, acceptance, support. You have the ability to choose your family. Don't be afraid to break a stigma which is bullshit. 

- Ky