"What's depression like?" He asked.

October 26th '13

You don't need water to drown, do you?

And everyday opening your eyes get harder. 

And everyday faking a smile gets more exhausting.

You hide things inside, where nobody can see them. You want to ask for help, but nothing comes out of your mouth.

You break down in your room, where nobody can see you. You cry and scream, but nobody can hear you. 

Your mind is a war. Fighting against yourself.

And losing. 

You just want to be enough for someone. For someone to need you. For someone to tell you that they love you and can't live without you.

You're afraid that nothing will ever get better. That you'll feel empty, sad and alone for the rest of your life.

That there will never be anything else but this darkness.

You try your best but you don't succeed. You never succeed.

You lie to everyone you love, believing they don't love you in return. 

You hate yourself so much, that looking into a mirror makes you cringe. You want to hurt yourself, kill yourself, because you think you'll never be worth anything.

You're afraid to live, but you're also afraid to die.

You're afraid of people. Of the way they stare at you. Of the way they can hurt you more than anything can ever hurt you. 

You're broken and believe you can never be fixed again. Too many pieces, too many problems.

Who would want to fix you, anyway?

You just want to leave everything behind. The scars, the feelings, the pain and the endless, hopeless search for happiness.

You feel like you can't take it anymore. Not another day, not another hour. You feel so tired and so weak. 

But believe me, you're strong than you think that you are.

And things do get better.

Maybe not today or tomorrow or next month, but someday. 

You'll be able to look into a mirror and smile at what you see.

You'll be able to wake up and be happy that there's another day.

You'll have plenty of people tell you that they love you and that they need you.

That they can't live without you.

You'll eat things you've never eaten before, see things you've never seen before, hear music you've never heared before, watch movies you've never watched before, do things you've never done before, experience things that you could've never believed you would experience. 

And you will be happy. And life will be wonderful. It will be a dream and no longer a nightmare.

You'll find happiness, I promise you.

It won't come knocking at your door, but you have to go out and find it. You have to give life a middle finger and throw its lemons right back at it.

Life is hard.

But it's so beautiful.

You're drowning, but I know you can keep your head above the water. I know you can fight whatever demons are hiding inside of you.

I know you can fight  the urge to end it all. 

End everything.

Because no matter how dark everything around you seems, there's always a little light.

Somewhere.

And most of the times, that light is you. You're your only light. The only one that can fix you. Yes, you might need a little help, but in the end you have to grab the tape and bring the pieces back together.

Allow yourself to really smile. Because you're worth it.

You really are worth it.

And I love you so much.