"What's depression like?" He asked.

Self-harm is self-harm.

A couple of chapters ago I asked people for ideas to write about. Things they wanted answered or simply wanted to see written down.

One of the messages I received asked me to write about self-harm. Not self-harm as a thing itself, but comparing it to things like an alcohol or drug addiction. If self-harm wasn't worse than those, because of the pain you go through.

I'm going to express my opinion on this. If you have a different opinion, you are of course completely free to have that opinion. My opinion isn't necessarily the truth. 

With self-harming I'll be meaning cutting, burning, pulling, bruising, etc. Of course abusing drugs and alochol is self-harm aswell. I'd like to clarify that I am not trying to say that those things aren't. I just wan't sure what name to use for the cutting, etc. So that. 

Do I think that self-harm is more serious than a alcohol or drug addiction? No. I don't. Of course it's not the same comparing a drug addict to a self - harmer, but in a way it's exactly the same thing. 

You harm yourself. You harm your body and leave damage that will maybe never disappear. You damage relationships you have with people, forget what's truly important. Your life starts revolving around one thing: the cuts on your body, the alcohol in your cupboard, the drugs underneath your bed. 

I've been a self-harmer for too long and I am ashamed of it. I am disappointed in myself that I had to turn to something like this. 

I also know drug addicts and people that absuse alcohol. One of my best friends has trouble with alcohol, as he uses it to surpress his feelings. 

Of course you can say that self-harm is worse because you literally take something and cut open your skin or burn it or pinch it, but you do it for the same reason as some people use alcohol and drugs. You don't want to feel the things you're feeling at the moment. You don't want to feel the clouds of darkness in your head and heart and feel so utterly alone all the time. 

Nobody should damage themselves in any way. You shouldn't cut your skin, you shouldn't burn it, you shouldn't put so much alcohol in your veins that you forget who you are or where you are, you shouldn't use so much drugs that you do stupid things - as long as you don't have to feel.

It's all wrong. I know many people don't want to hear it, but self-harm is wrong. Every way of self-harm is wrong. It doesn't only hurt you, it hurts the people around you. Later on you will look at your scars or at the things you did when you were intoxicated and you will be so incredibly disappointed in yourself, that it will take you years and years to forgive yourself. 

Saying that the self-harm where blood or burning or bruising is involved is worse than the self-harm where you damage your inside, like your organs, doesn't make much sense to me. 

You have feelings and thoughts you don't want, so you find a way to surpress them and eventually you will dispise yourself for it. That's the thing with every single kind of self-harm and you shouldn't try and tell yourself that one thing is worse than the other thing. That the person who cuts his or her skin is in more pain than the person who chugs half a bottle of Vodka every  night. 

All those people are in some kind of pain and have turned to the wrong ways of dealing with it. I know all of them, I've seen all of them go downhill and I've some of them climb back up and they all tell me the same thing: if I could turn back time, I would've never started. 

It's all just as addictive. It will all have consequences for you, your body and probably your life. It's all life-threatening. It's all emotionally damaging for the people who love you. 

If you hurt your body in any kind of way to try and feel better for a moment, you are doing a terrible thing to yourself. You do not deserve to put your body through so much. You are a great human being, your body should be something that you are proud of. 

I know it is incredibly hard. I myself still struggle, trying to be confident, trying to put down the alcohol, trying not to touch razors or knifes or cigarettes or anything that I know is bad for me. It's one of the toughest wars there is. The war with self-harm to the skin, self-harm to the inside of your body, they're all extremely hard to win. Equally hard to win.

But I want you to try as much as you can to win it. To keep fighting against it. Because I promise you that it's not worth it. That small moment of relieve is not worth the years of shame and ruined friendships. There's no way of turning back time and taking back the lies. 

Don't do it to yourself. Not for me, but for you.

- Kyran