"What's depression like?" He asked.

A little life update

It's been almost a month since I last wrote a chapter. I would like to use this chapter for a little update. I hope you all don't mind that, I will try and have a deep, emotion-felt chapter again soon. 

So after replying to about 90 dm's (I'm sorry if I didn't reply to yours, I had over 100) it has once again amazed me how great you guys are. I get many compliments, which I of course appreciate a lot, but don't think I should get. When I started writing WDLHA I was simply a depressed boy of 17 who had no idea what to do anymore. All I did was write my feelings down. Yet, thank you very much for your kind words. They make my day.

Also I would like to thank all the people that sent me a happy birthday message. It feels very weird to have turned 19, because I never thought I would still be here at 19. It also feels very weird to organize a birthday party, because I've never done that before. My friends usually arranged something small because they knew that otherwise I wouldn't celebrate it, but this birthday is different. I feel better than I ever have, even though I'm not there yet. I've made some drastic changes in my life and I've contacted people I haven't seen in years. So tonight I have party with some of my old and some of my new friends.

I just came back from a roadtrip through the US. On my birthday I was on the road with 5 of my best friends, heading for New York. It was amazing and I wish I could just hit the road again. I shared some amazing moments with some of the greatest people that exist and I'm extremely grateful for them. 

I'm thinking about getting a new tattoo. Also, I'm starting to make a serious thing about adopting a cat. The only thing is that it needs to get along with Mason, Alex's dog. I just really want a pet for myself and don't have time for a dog, since I'm starting seriously focus on becoming a tattoo artist. 

I very much enjoy my decision of going Straight Edge. It has been going very well and I've been feeling very healthy. I've had some difficult moments where I was sad and just kind of wanted to drink my feelings away as I used to, but I haven't broken just yet and I'm kind of proud of that. 

I can't say I haven't been listening to sad pop punk in the past month. That I haven't had moments where I just kind of went on a walk by myself and cried a bit, simply because I felt sad on the inside. I'm not better, but I'm getting better. My medication is working, my body is starting to recover from all those years of alcohol and cigarettes and physical beat ups. 

I honestly hope that in a few years I can look back on this book and say to myself that I made it. That I left depression, anxiety and insecurity behind. That I will be able to control my PTSD and have days of being stuck in the past. 

I want to leave my past behind.

I hope that I will be able to find the strength to not give up when I'm sad and enjoy the moments when I'm happy. To not force myself to get better, because things will heal in time. There's a lot of wounds inside of me which need time to heal. Eventually, there will be only memories in the form of scars. On my inside and outside. And I'll be able to tell a story with a happy ending.

This was my little monthly ramble chapter. I hope you're all okay with that and can all take something from it. And if not, I hope you just found it nice to have a little update on where I've been. 

- Kyran