"What's depression like?" He asked.

New year's resolutions.

First of all, I want to wish you all a happy/happier new year. I hope 2015 is filled with more smiles than tears, more hopes than death wishes and more kindness than hate for all of you. You truly deserve it.

So I've been thinking for a while if I wanted to make a chapter dedicated to the new year. I didn't really see why I would, because a new year has never really meant much to me. A new year never really meant better times and so I never thought it was important.

Except this year is different. As you guys know I've moved out of my parents' home. I'm no longer living with my father, but moved in with Alex. I'm leaving school this year, for the first time am I being faced with the future. 

My depression has gotten a little better and so has my anxiety. I'm no longer always panicky in a room with a lot of people, I no longer ask myself the question "why?" when I wake up in the morning and I no longer live only for my friends.

So this time I am going to make a chapter dedicated to the new year. These are my new year's resolutions. 

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1. Stop caring so much about what other people will thing of me and instead try to be a little more confident. I am 18, I'm legally an adult and I should feel that way. Nobody has anything to say about me anymore except for me and the law.

2. No more self-harming. This goes for cutting, burning, punching, drinking too much, smoking too much and mentally beating myself up. I am not sure if I will be able to completely keep myself to this resolution, but will as much as I am capable of.

3. Travel to a country I haven't been to yet. I've noticed that when I see something that I haven't seen before, I get reminded of why I am still alive: because there's so much beauty out there I need to experience. 

4. Be there for my friends more. They have been there for me so much this year and the past years when I was feeling so incredibly down, it's time I show them how thankful I am by doing the same for them. 

5. Go out more and don't let anxiety hold me down as much as it did before. My social anxiety is the main reason I have a lot of trouble meeting new people and doing fun things where a lot of people are involved. For example, I really want to go to Warped Tour, but never did because I'm get panic attacks when I'm surrounded by a large crowd. I want to go outside my boundaries and go somewhere crowded, see how I react to it and try to calm myself down.

6. Get more tattoos! I still have a part-time job in a tattoo studio and am dying to get more tattoos. I get that it's true that once you start, you get addicted and stopping is very hard. Either way, I am very stoked about this.

7. Continue to help people on here, but not let it take over my life. This isn't meant negatively, helping you and everyone who has contacted me means the world to me. It has been my anchor when I wasn't sure what to do, but the truth is that I have a life outside wattpad. I have friends, I have school, I have a future I need to figure out and my own personal problems I need to deal with. I've been spending more and more time on wattpad, using the fact I was doing good as a reason to neglect my own issues. I am sad, yet proud to say that I will start balancing things more. Meaning you guys have to miss me for small periods of time sometimes. 

8. Stop feeling guilty about what has happened to me. I have been blaming myself for years for what was happening to me and it's time to stop. What people have done to me was not my fault and I need to start believing that. I need to get rid of my constant guilt feeling and try to be kind to myself.

9. Stop smoking.

10. Stop over-thinking every aspect of my life. Just let things happen the way they're supposed to happen. I'm sure that will make me feel a lot happier.

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There are a few more, but they're mostly small and revolving around specific friends. These are my main resolutions.

If you want, please write a few of your own down in the comments. I'm very curious as of what you are going to change this year. 

- Ky