There's Always A Reason (Niall Horan)

Twenty One: Wake Me Up

Niall's P.O.V.

The doctors kicked us out as soon as we processed what was happening. I nearly lost it as Liam sat me down on the bench just outside the room door and patted me on the back. I sit now with my head in my hands, eyes wet with cool tears of relief. She's waking up. I keep telling myself but I know not to get my hopes up.

My stomach growls loud enough for everyone in the whole hospital to hear it and everyone looks at me. I ignore the pain in my gut telling me to eat, I won't eat until Lana does. I won't allow myself to. I lean back against the wall and watch reflections play off the surface of the shiny ivory floors, still aware of everyone's gaze on me.

"Come on Ni. We know she's waking up. Please eat something." Zayn begs from his place next to me.

I shake my head and let my eyes flutter closed, it's been about a week since I've eaten a good meal and my body feels as if it will fall over with every step I take. My hands shake 24/7 but I suffer through it. 

I hear Zayn let out a sigh beside me and he turns away. I open my eyes again to see Liam looking at me sadly. I know he cares about me, he's my best friend, but he can't feel the pain I've been feeling.

"At least drink some water then?" Liam asks handing me a bottled water as I stand up.

"Yeah sure. I'm going for a walk." I mutter taking the water from his hand. "Call me when I can see her." I call over my shoulder walking down the familiar corridor and too the stairs that Liam led me up two weeks ago.

I use my bottle of water to prop the door open as I push my way out onto the roof. The cool midnight air hitting me as I make my way towards the edge. I cross my legs as I sit on the very edge of the rooftop, allowing the yellow-orange glow of the city lights captivate my eyes and take my mind to happier places.

I close my eyes as a small breeze hits me, it's chill hitting my skin through the thin material of my black shirt. I allow myself to breathe out the breath I didn't know I was holding as a familiar scent washes over me. 

"Lana...." I sigh out her  name, letting my head hang back to look at the stars in the sky. 

I don't even question it as I start talking to myself.. or whatever higher power is out there.

"If there is a god, please bring her back to me safely. Let her know that I love her with every inch of my being and that I will until the day my broken heart stops beating. Allow her to forgive me for the terrible thing I have done to her, and forget about the pain she has felt in these last two weeks. Forgive me for mistreating the women I love, and allow the..." I cringe as I recall the dark purple bruises on both of Lana's arms. "Allow the wounds I have inflicted on her heal as quickly as they can. Let the scar to the right of her bellybutton be a constant reminder of the damage I have done to both of our lives. Please for the love of all things living, let my hand heal correctly. If not for me, for my fans, they love it when I play the guitar on tour, and it was hard enough to do tonight... And if you could. Let Eleanor forgive me, for Lana's sake. She doesn't need to be torn between me and El... Thanks." I murmur. 

My eyes cast back out across the lights and I feel that I'm not alone. 

"Some speech Horan..." I jump as the delicate voice speaks behind me.

I turn to see Eleanor standing a few feet away, still with the bitter look of hate in her eyes. She comes and sits next to me. Her eyes scan me as she starts to talk. 

"I don't know if I will ever get the image of the look on Lana's face when you pinned her to the wall out of my head. Honestly I don't know if I will every be able to look at you the same way again. What you did is just so unforgivable Niall. But you got what you wanted from it, there's no baby..." El sighs, looking me straight in the eyes. "She was terrified of telling you. She thought that you'd stop loving her or something. Like that's possible. If only you had listened to her though, she would have told you that she didn't want it either. She didn't plan on it, but if you both were't so stupid and had waited until you had protection then maybe we wouldn't be here!" She shouts her face growing hard, then softening again.