His mask is slowly slipping (A drarry story)

she needed to understand

"Hermione Jean Granger have you seriously been nagging me for all these months because I told you my opinions, no, better yet I told you the cold hard truth that you can't fathom and now you've gone mental in hopes of helping ME!. Have you truly lost your mind? Do you not see how insane you look?

I understand you want me to be happy,and I don't know why it's not getting through to you that I am.

Mione…I'm not broken, so you don't need to fix me…even if you wanted to fix me. There is literally no way to fix something this shattered, I'm not broken, but I am shattered beyond repair. I HAVE been shattered since before you met me Mione…you think you know me? Wellguess what you don't. The only person that truly knows me to the best of their abilities is me. What you know about me is who I am since I found out I was a wizard. I truly love you Hermione but…"

I sighed, contemplating my next words.

" 'Mione look at me, I am trying to help myself get better, but I can't even try to because I'm worried about literally everyone but mostly I'm worried about you!. You have to stop using me as an outlet to your own frustrations because I can't take it anymore Hermione. I get that you trusted Dumbledore but I…I just can't keep mindlessly believing that he did what was best for me when there was so much he could have done to stop things from going as far as they did. He could have stopped so many people from dying, but he didn't … this was all some giant chess game to him. "

The silence was almost deafening, but I continued anyway. She needed to understand.

" You and me are so different 'Mione…"

I stepped closer and grabbed her hands gently.

"I'm trying 'Mione… you need to trust me. You need to understand that things are really hard for me at the moment… "Frankly, I lost my purpose ,'Mione I Literally Died. I went into that forest expecting Death, I made my peace with it and had accepted that I was going to die and that my life was just gonna be a distant memory to those who knew me. But I'm here now, and I'm trying… Even though literally all my fight has left me, I'm still fighting, but I'm worried about you…so much so that it's draining me 'Mione. I'm working on helping you, and I'll gladly do it - literally anytime anywhere - but I need you to trust me and just calm down, okay? Because you are driving me insane! I am not normally. You know that practically anything that could happen would happen to me, I can't go to a therapist cause you know the whole wizarding world is a secret and I can't go to a mind healer cause that leads to my childhood- and if that gets out … I just can't Mione."

I released her hands and started walking towards the portrait entrance. The silence was killing me as I paused for a moment and looked back at Hermione. "Just think about it…please". I quickly made my escape before anything could happen. Frankly, I was wandering around mindlessly as soon as I got outside. A loud rustling sound caught my attention about half an hour into my walk. I jumped my wand at the ready only to see a familiar shadow, but that doesn't make sense he's dead. Shaking my head, I wander towards the astronomy tower in hopes to clear my head.

I sat there in peace for hours. The sunset was filled with such wonderful colours. The tears had started slowly but they only grew by the second, funnily enough they were silent, for the first time in months not a single gut wrenching sob escaped my mouth as I remembered everyone who I had come to know as family and had died…for me.

I heard the distant steps, but I didn't bother to even try to hide my tears. My magic didn't panic as I felt these presences, so I had to have known them. I didn't bother to look at them even after they sat down, I could feel who they were. Suddenly, I felt like I was having deja vu. My memory of hiding away in the Owlery after I was announced as a Slytherin came to mind. I chuckled at the similarities against my will. I heard them talking distantly as if my head was under water, yet I wasn't panicked. I felt at peace, how could I not with such beautiful scenery,but - there's always a 'but' with me isn't there -something felt wrong, well not wrong but off and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Shoving away that dilemma for later, I couldn't help but take in how much I missed their presence, and truly, I know I shouldn't. I know that they need to be as far away from me as possible to keep them safe… but they feel safe. They felt like family. Secretly  I hoped we could stay like this forever. Until I realised how selfish I was being and squashed whatever hope that began to grow, but even then I indulged in having this moment not making any move to stop it because deep down I needed it so badly that I just couldn't do it even if I was held at wand point.

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Hey guys, I'm back!!!! I'm so sorry for not updating. I've just had a really long depressive episode that got worse when my childhood dog died.And I'm just barely recovering from that, I feel like half my soul was ripped away from me and I know I'm sounding dramatic but that's what it feels like to me.

Honestly, life decided I needed more hurdles, and I'm barely jumping over them, I was always bad at sports, so I'm not surprised😅.

So just be patient with me. I beg of you guys!!!

Until next time, my lovelies 💓 💖