Forgotten Love || Tom Kaulitz

I'm a monster

I just couldn't, none of this felt real.

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I picked up my phone as it rang. I watched as Jai's name illuminated the screen. I didn't want to tell him that Tom was here. I knew I should but for some reason I didn't want to. I sighed before answering and raising the phone to my ear.

"Hi, how was the wedding?" he asked softly.

"It was good" I replied low. "How about a vacation?" I blurted out without thinking.

As the thought of joining them crossed my mind, a shiver crept down my spine, a warning of the potential danger it could be. I wanted to go. It would be nice being with them again, but chilling memories would always surround the happy thoughts. I didn't feel like it would be safe for Jai if he came especially with Tom there, but I hoped Tom had changed. By Kirk's words it seemed like Tom had become worse during the last year.

Memories of our twisted history flooded my mind emotions I dared not confront. Just knowing Tom was around stirred up long-buried emotions within me. My stomach felt weird when I was around him. Like something was going to happen. I didn't even feel safe in the house knowing he was there. I didn't want to admit it, I had once loved him, or so I had convinced myself. It was sick and twisted. I knew that's not what love is meant to feel like. Maybe I was delusional back then, so unloved I convinced myself I was being love. I left so suddenly from his grip of manipulation on me but because he was unconscious it didn't feel like a proper goodbye. I guess it wasn't because we were brought together once again. I thought he would be furious with me for leaving him it the state that he was. I did feel slightly guiltily for that, but I always reassured myself he didn't deserve me.

Yet, even now, his presence stirred something within me, a conflicted set of emotions I struggled to comprehend. I fought so hard to forget about him and leave my past behind me. Yet it was all being relapsed in my head. It wasn't fair. I got away and started to love, improved on myself and worked for the career I had always dreamed of. Yet the universe wasn't on myside. I couldn't explain how I felt about this whole situation.

In the kitchen he was so gentle when he helped me which contrasted to the cold and evil man I had once know. He could have been putting an act on just to get inside of my head. But still, he didn't lower his voice at me. I had always feared that our paths would cross again, the chilling thought consumed for months. And now that time had now come to past, I found myself struck with uncertainty for the future. Would he forgive me for leaving him, or would his rage be unleashed upon me in a rush of revenge and ruin this vaction?

"Yes" he said with happiness in his tone.

"Really?" I said feeling stupid.

"Yes where?" he said sounding a little to excited.

"I don't know Bree invited us to her honeymoon, but I guess it's more like a vacation" I said shaking my head.

"Wait when are we leaving?" he asked.

"Tomorrow" I said having no idea.

"I'll check for plane tickets tonight but if not I'll be there early morning" he said with a smile.

"Is everything okay back home?" I asked hopeful.

"Everything is perfect" he sounded sure.

"Okay, well ill text you if I find anything out" I spoke softly.

"Love you" he purred.

"Bye" I said before hanging up.

As I put down the phone I swung my head at sound of footsteps. I watched as Tom dragged his feet along the floor giving a slight glare as he walked closer to the couch. I turned my head back around that same glare I had seen before sending chill down my spine. I heard as he fell onto the couch with a huff. I stayed at the kitchen bench and began to play with my fingers. Feeling emotions flow around my body being unable to explain what im feeling.