Brielle
"Baby, what are you doing here ?" Chris said in a groggy tone waking up
I was putting away the laundry I just did, the kids were at my parents house and I was all alone . I didn't have any to talk to, instead I had an early start on cleaning just to occupy my time .
"What does it look like ?" I said putting his clothes into the dresser
"Brielle, it's Monday you have to go to work down at the studio ."
"Doesn't look like I'll be going back now does it ."
"Aw man, don't tell me you gave it up ?"
"Leave it alone ."
"I can take care of myself, don't do that for me you have to get it back ."
"What do you want to eat ?" I ignored his comment
"Brielle ."
"The kids aren't here, you can go down and make it yourself ."
I really don't wanna talk about it, I'm not in the mood for this . I want to call my daddy so badly and tell him what's been going on but I can't . Ever since this happen I haven't had much contact with anybody, I'm too busy watching if Chris is going to have a damn seziure .
"Baby let me just talk to you for a minute ." he said walking behind me on the stairs
"Talk to me about what Chris ? I don't want to hear anything, I don't give a damn about anything anymore . Unless you really need something from me, I rather you just not say anything to me at all ."
"What about if it was you going through this ?"
He really wants to play that card right now ?
"Then I'd hope that you would be there to take care of me since this would be my first fuck up moment . That's exactly what I'm doing for you but I'm not going to kiss your ass while I'm doing it like you deserve that shit from me, I don't owe you a god damn thing . I - I don't want to talk anymore ."
"Brielle keep going ."
"I already told you everything when you locked me in the bathroom !"
"I wanna hear it again, don't talk to me out of anger it's easy for you tell me how I fucked up . If you calm, I'll get some real shit out of you ."
"Chris please not now, not ever ."
"Look, I understand that you don't want to talk to me . I know I made mistakes, I know I fucked up . I did shit I can't take back, you heard me ? I can't take them back, I can only move forward . You upset with me and don't want to talk to me, then I came up with a way how you can talk to me indirectly . I think we should both write a letter to each other telling nothing but the truth and how we feel ."
"God, I swear you like one of the kids . Go sit down ."
"Do this, you do it I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day ."
"Chris ."
"Please ." he said placing a paper and pen in my lap
Soon as he did, we went to the bathroom to go throw up, I wasn't going to write that letter but if it will shut his ass up then fine . I didn't know what to say, I decided to just let it flow .
Dear Chris,
Out of the million things I want to say to you and call you, nothing comes to mind . I been through a lot with you, we've come so far . Losing my virginity, giving birth to my first child . Seemed like the skies were clear, till the lies started to pile up . Having Janae sucking you off when you was drunk, sleeping with Jasmine because she was going to frame you for rape if you didn't . We could've got through that one together, if you weren't such an idiot you would've known nothing would've happen to you if you just walked around and she spread her lie . From that moment on I knew two things only matter to you, yourself and your career . You would rather lie to me than telling me about how some chick was on your dick and how the other was scheming to take you away from me . When I found out it was too damn late to try and tell me the truth, then you stood before Mijo and I and denied he was your son to try on turn the table on me that day I left you . I thank god Mijo was too young to understand what you were saying about him . I was extremely hurt that you would say that about me and our son, I wanted nothing to do with you then unexpectedly Caeden came along . You should be lucky if you have a cousin with more damn sense than you, I would not be sitting here today because of Keeis . You do remember who we named Caeden after ? When Caeden came I thought everything would be good again and it was, but nothing good last forever . I'll never understand how you were the one who was drunk and let a female suck you off, but I was sober and trapped in a room with Keeis who was drunk and all he did was kiss me . Yet I'm the one who seems like they're getting accused of cheating more, Keeis would never do no shit to hurt you but nothing's been the same from you two and that makes me sad because I feel like it's my fault when I'm not the one who asked for him to do that .
In all honesty though I will give you credit and say you were really good to me, I thought I was really blessed to have a man who cared for me . But look how you show it Chris . When I miscarried our third child I was depressed, what did you do ? Leave me and go to Miami with another bitch, not just any bitch your ex bitch . That's when the drug shit started, I needed you . No matter how much I pushed I needed you to comfort me and tell me things were going to be okay and this doesn't mean it would be the end, but you didn't cause you were too busy getting high and playing house with that crackhead ass bitch on the road . I had to move forward without you, plus I had to hear you come back telling me the bitch kissed you . You shouldn't have been in her fucking hotel room and she shouldn't have been in yours to begin with, but I didn't do anything to you I let go by taking you off sex with me . Seems like I'm giving you more than I should isn't it ?
I had a feeling something wasn't right with you on your birthday, I said to you all the pictures you took you look like you high . You said you was just really tired, later that would be your excuse all the time for everything . When the twins came along, I was at my most happiest . We both were, I felt complete when Ava came along and I knew you were too . You've cried a bit for all their births, but the first time you held Ava in your arms you was boo hoo crying . Nothing was going to take away the smile from our faces that day, the fact that you and my dad even came to terms with each other that year meant a lot to me everything was going how it should . Now this shit with the drugs have taken over, that only sounds like more lies to me . Honestly Chris, if you would've have just told me this was going on I would have helped you before it got this far . I never been so scared in my life till the day I found you slump over on the toilet, I thought I lost the most important man in my life . When you told me you were high off drugs, I knew you weren't the man I thought you were and want to continue to be with . It was clear you made your decision too when you said you going to ask me to give up, cause I can't . You would rather get high every night than to be with a woman who has been there for you whenever, wherever, whatever . My entire world was shattered that night, yet I'm here making sure you're okay . So when I tell don't touch, don't talk to me, leave me alone don't forget it made it that way . I been through too much shit with you and it always seems to be you taking my patience and love for granted . Don't be surprise when you recover and wake up one morning, to find my bags and the kids bags have been packed again cause I will be taking them with me . I can't deny the fact that I love you more than anything in this world, but I love myself more .
