Brielle
As I watched this asshole walk out the courtroom Not Guilty, I looked at my sons and thought to myself what justice and right will they have when they grow up . I may not be black but I know what's like to face discrimination, Mijo was only 2 years old when he came to us telling me somebody called him out a name he didn't like . Chris had to tell him it's just ignorance, you are black and be proud now say it loud . What's going to happen to my sons when they are out with their friends and are attacked, because some bullshit bitch ass lying ass dude follows them around because they look out of their place in a neighborhood you don't see their kind in approaches him with a loaded gun . Gets attacked and killed, for no damn reason . Didn't have anything on them, but yet still got attacked . They know damn well, that boy didn't do anything . He was minding his own business, these dumbass people want to say it has nothing to do with race but it does . A black male walking in a white neighborhood, to him it looked like he was on drugs and suspicious . Does that not sound like a race matter to you ? Listen to the 911 call and wake up, cut the bullshit .
What am I suppose to tell my sons about this ? What place do they have in this fucked up world ? What am I to say to them about what it is like being a black male in this world ? Mijo, Caeden, and Josiah might have a light complexion but they are African American . A dap will do you, they are proud black males . I know it's probably going to be a time where Josiah comes to me about why is he the darker than his brothers and sister, I know it's coming I can feel it . I'm going to have to explain to them genetics and it's just the way God made him, what else can you say to a child like that ? My children will always be in the spot light because of who their daddy is, I already know when they start to branch out to their own the world is going to criticize them till their blue in the face . They're going to ask me why do people talk about us, why do they say rude and mean things about us ? I'll have to come up with something for that too, my kids shouldn't have to worry about things like that . That's the reality of growing up black in America .
"Mommy, why you look sad ?" Josiah asked
"Mommy, what does those words say on the screen ? Did the man lose ?" Mijo asked
"I'm sad because he won baby, come here . Josiah, you too . Where's Caeden ?"
"Outside with X ." Josiah said
"Go get him ." I told him, he went running to find him "Come sit next to me Mijo ."
"I didn't do nothing mommy ." Caeden said
"I know baby, I just want to talk to you . Come sit with me ."
"Are we leaving daddy again ?" Mijo asked
"No, this has nothing to do with daddy . I want to explain what happen, on the t.v . Remember how I was watching t.v all day about a young boy who was walking home and was shot ?"
"Yes ." they all answered
"I was hoping the man that shot him would go to jail, because it's a crime to shoot someone and kill them . Bad guys like him go to jail . But people decided that he was innocent, meaning he had a good reason to kill someone . I'm sad because it's like giving him the green light, saying it was okay and it wasn't . There was black guys in the neighborhood who broke into people's houses, because the young black boy was walking through his neighborhood he followed him because he was black thinking he was like the rest of them . You remember what the young boy was carrying ?"
"Skittles and ice tea ?" Mijo said
"Very good, he was just trying to get home to his daddy house . But the bad man said mean things about him, he followed him and they fought each other . What do you guys think about that ?"
"He followed him cause he's black ?" Caeden guessed
"He was being mean ?" Josiah guessed
"The boy should have went home to his daddy, but the man stopped him ." Mijo said
"What I want you guys to realize from this conversation is this is what it's like to be a young black male, all of you are young black males . Some people are going to like you and some people aren't, they might not like you because of your attitude or simply because of the way you look . Remember how a little boy made fun of you Mijo because you looked different from him ?"
"Yes ."
"How did it make you feel ?"
"Confused and sad, because he didn't want to be my friend ."
"There might be times in your lives where you all are going to feel like that, all I can do is tell you to be proud of who you are and keep your head up high . Never be ashamed of where you come from, there is no perfect color in the world everybody is the same . What do I mean when I say that ?"
"People come in all colors ." Caeden said
"Everybody should be friends and be happy, nobody can be better than someone ." Mijo said
"Everyone is the same no matter what ." Josiah said
"Very good, if something happens where you feel you feel like someone treated you differently because of who you are come talk me and daddy please we can talk like have we are now okay ?"
"Yes mommy ." they said
"Gimme kiss, I love you so much ."
They all got the point of what I was saying but Mijo can feel it better because he experienced a bit of discrimination already, other than teaching my sons what it's like to be black in America I have other shit going on . Now that I got Chris cleaned, I might be losing him all over again .
"Brielle, boo, why you crying ?" he asked I walked into the room to talk to him
"Cause, I'm tired Chris I'm tired of this bullshit . I just talked to the boys about the Trayvon case and how it is to be black in America, I was mad because he's not guilty . This is bullshit because there still no justice and we have similar bullshit going on with you, I don't want to lose you ."
"Who said you were going to lose me ?" he said putting his hands on my shoulders
"Chris, you might be going to jail or prison ."
That hit and run shit might fuck up everything .
"Baby, you ain't going to lose me ." he said pulling me into a hug
"They trying to take you away, they don't believe you . What's going to happen to all of us if they do ? How I am going to explain this to the kids ?"
"You won't have to cause I'm not going any where, baby it's going to be alright . You ain't got nothing to worry about, nether do they I'm going to be right here for you ."
"I'm scared ."
He wiped my eyes "Don't be, you got to stop that alright . We good, everything is going to be good . Alright, relax ." he sighed hugging me and giving me a kiss
We thought it would be good to get out the house, we took the kids out to the park and watched them play us we sat back on the bench .
"I love you, at the day this is what means the most to me . I don't know what I would do, if I didn't have you and them . I really hope you beat this ."
"I will baby, I promise you I will mock my words they ain't locking me up . We going to do what I promise, I'm going to make you happy again ."
"Chris, I don't care about that all I care about is you right now ."
"Mommy, look at me, look at me !" Ava said going down the slide
"Very nice baby, you such a big girl ."
"Baby, fuck that . I sold you the dream of us re-doing our vows and I'm going to make it come true, nothing is going to get in the way of that . We going to do this shit right, no matter what happens between us ."
