Chris
After that bad ass dream last night, I slipped into a state of depression . I told myself that I wasn't going to be all in her face anymore, when I had that dream thought I resorted back to begging . Soon as I woke up and she came by my side I grabbed her, she did not want me touching her but I was not letting go till I felt better . I begged her to reconsider, begged her not to leave . It's she went deaf and couldn't even hear me, that shit hurts more than anything . I bare my soul for her and she acts like it's nothing there, I'm still fighting for her but I need to slow down . The next morning I did not move out of the bed, only thing I did was lay there sleeping and staring at the wall . Sad part about it is I didn't want to even be bothered by my kids when Brielle brought them home .
"Daddy, you feeling better ?" Mijo asked
"I'm healthier, but I don't feel like playing Mijo ."
"Later ?"
"Maybe ."
"You wanna come watch Tom and Jerry with me ?"
"Maybe later alright ?"
"Okay ."
Any other time I wouldn't mind doing whatever my son wants, right now though I'm not in the mood for anything . I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want to do shit but be alone . I spent half the day up there sulking in my misery thinking why, why did things have to be this way ? Why does she have to take this experience as me being dishonest with her, I didn't tell her because I was afraid of shit like this happening . I don't give a fuck anymore, I apologized enough I can't do much of that anymore .
"What do you want to eat ?"
"Nothing ."
"Chris you ain't eat all day ."
"So ."
"You don't have to stay upstairs like this anymore, your withdrawals aren't as bad anymore ."
"I'm good where I'm at, close the door on your way out ."
"What ?"
"When you leave, close the door ."
I was hurting but I wasn't feeling any pain, I stared at the wall all day and slept all day . I did not want any company or anybody to see my face .
"Daddy, come play with me ." Ava said crawling up on the bed
"I don't wanna play right now baby ."
"Why not ?"
"Cause I don't baby ."
"You always play with me daddy ."
"I'm sorry baby, I don't feel like it right now . Go play with your brothers or X ."
"But I wanna play with you and read daddy, you don't feel good I make you feel all better ."
"Ava, what did I just say ?"
She was silent for a couple of minutes "Mommy !" she yelled running out the room crying
"I'm sorry baby !" I said to her
Ain't like I purposely made her cry, I don't want to play, eat, speak to nobody . Leave me the fuck alone, everybody .
"Why was she crying ?" Brielle said coming up
"I didn't want her to read me a story ." I said pulling the blanket over my head
"She said you yelled at her ."
I pulled the blanket from over my head "I ain't yell at that girl and if I did so what that's my damn daughter ."
"Who the hell you talking to like that ?"
