Our Secret (Austin Mahone Fanfiction)

Part 13

- Madison's point of view -

I got awoken by the sound of my cell phone blaring throughout the whole entire room. My eyes shot wide open as I let out a growl of displeasure not wanting to get up.

Turning my head to the side to catch a glimpse of the time, I saw that it was 3:12am.

Who in the world would have the descent mind to be calling me at three in the morning? I questioned myself in disbelief.

I had barely been sleeping for two hours since Austin and I went to bed somewhere around one thirty and by now I was furious. All I wanted to do was sleep and I couldn't.

Realizing that if I didn't answer the call that my the annoying ringtone would never stop, I pulled Austin's arm that was tightly wrapped around my torso off and leaned over clutching the piece of metal in my hands that I absolutely hated the most at this précised moment for waking me up although it was partly my fault considering I should've turned it off.

Pressing the answer button, I brought it up to my ear and prepared myself for what was to come next. "Hello?" I asked clearly annoyed but my voice just barely a whisper not to awake anyone.

"Madie?" The voice called out, and that's when I realized what was going on.

Letting myself fall back onto the mattress as my head rested itself on the pillow, I let out a sigh of defeat "What's wrong?"

"I- I'm just really sorry."

Shuffling as he tried to reposition himself, I mentally curse at myself for waking Austin up but I guess there was no way of dogging it.

"I told you it was fine, Cameron." I breathed out. Right before he continued talking, I felt Austin's arm slid underneath the t-shirt I was wearing which just happened to be his. He had gave it to me before going to bed since I had no spare clothes and he didn't want me sleeping in what I had been wearing all day. I didn't bother grabbing a pair of pants to put on either as the t-shirt was long enough to cover up my lower half, not that it really mattered though because it's nothing he hasn't seen before.

His hand traveled all the way to my stomach, pushing the t-shirt up as he took hold of me, his arm tightly around my waist just as it was before I tore it apart a few minutes prior. He made sure that there was no space left what so ever between us, his torso pressing against my back.

"You keep saying that but I know it's not true. I know what I did was wrong and I know that I messed up but I still can't sleep knowing that you're not okay with it."

I shook my head not caring about the fact that he couldn't see me "But I am," I kept a steady whisper "I got over it okay? I can't let this hold me back because I love you too much, you mean too much to me."

I listen through the phone as I patiently waited an answer only to realize that the line went completely silence, dead silence. I don't know why he wasn't answering because I hadn't said anything to shut him up but I figured that he was thinking, trying to put his words together.

"I don't want to lose you. It was a mistake." He finally spoke up, a slight tremble hidden in his voice.

"Cameron, you're just talking nonsense right now, you're tired and you need some sleep. I know it was a mistake and you're forgiven alright? And don't ever think that you're going to lose me because that's a complete lie."

He let out a sigh "I'm just really- really sorry."

"I know. Now do me a favour and get some sleep? You need it. I'll talk to you tomorrow." I really didn't feel like talking to him any longer. I knew what was happening, I've seen it take place before and it wasn't the Cameron I knew. It's only happened twice before and when it did, there was no way on stopping him; he had to do it on his own.

He goes into this state where he blames himself for everything and does a mental break down. The first time it happened, it scared the crap out of me and I had no idea what to do.

He cried nonstop for an hour and I didn't even know why. I tried to get it out of him but I miserably failed and it was only two days after what went down that he told me; when he finally came back to his senses.

Now I know that the kiss was his fault and that he had a reason for blaming himself but I still didn't want him to do it. Every time he comes close to losing something or for the least he thinks that, he's goes into this state and I hate it, he worries me to the extent.

Taking in a deep breath, he continued talking as if I had said nothing at all "No please, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Leave me." He whispered "You're trying to get rid of me right now by hanging up and I know you're annoyed and frustrated but you can't do this to me. I need to hear you Madie and I-"

"Cameron just stop." I interrupted my face suddenly flushing with warmth "I told you it was fine so stop beating yourself up over this. I'm not leaving any time soon so don't worry about it and just get some sleep, please."

When I finally heard a fainted "okay", I took that as my cue and I ended the call as my left arm that was holding the phone to my ear fell lifelessly onto the bed. It's then when a wave of worry passed through my whole body. I didn't want him to think that and I sure didn't want him to feel that way either. I wasn't aware that it was going to hit him this hard but I guess it did and I just felt extremely guilty even though I had no idea why since I'm not the one who was in the wrong. The simple fact that he thought I was going to leave him made my stomach churn and I hated it. Did he not trust me? I wondered. Sometimes he had really low self esteem and I couldn't understand why because Cameron had always been, and still is, the tough guy at school that everyone normally doesn't mess around with, the guy that goes around speaking his opinion, the guy that everyone wants to be but then- then he gets like this and confuses me like there's no tomorrow. He has this side to him that I've only seen a couple times before and all I can say is that it was definitely not like him. Not one bit.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of lips settle themselves on the side of my neck as I closed my eyes to the familiar sensation I loved so much. "Relax," His sleepy voice whispered "You're all tensed."

Taking in the words he had just spoke, my muscles soon released themselves to my surprise not even realizing that I was, as he said, tensed. I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out before relaxing myself under his touch. My head was heavy onto the pillow as my eyes closed themselves back again, ready to go back to sleep but just as I tried, I simply couldn't. I was beyond tired and I couldn't get myself to fall asleep even if my life depended on it. The time was slipping away and I was lying there wide awake, my mind on so many things all at once not being able to shut them out.

So slowly sliding my left hand beneath the covers, I found Austin's that was firmly placed onto my stomach and rested it on top of his; stroking it every now and then. His skin was soft and warm making me feel at ease with every touch. I couldn't help but smile, I don't know why but he in general made me smile. Whether it was in text or not, a permanent smile seemed to be plastered upon my lips every time I would see or talk to him; it seemed like he took all the problems away and that nothing else in the world mattered except for-- us.

Coming to realization that I didn't want to wake him up once more, I pulled my hand away while deciding on giving sleep another shot. I needed to sleep and it was bound to happen sooner or later so might as well just get to it right now, I thought.

"Why did you move your hand?" A sudden voice spoke, making my heart beat stop for a second.

"I thought you were sleeping." I sheepishly said.

"Well you kind of woke me up..." He trailed off making me feel even more so guilty than what I already did.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

He brought his head in the crock of my neck, brushing his nose against my skin "It's okay baby, I know you didn't." He said before kissing there softly. A giggle departed my lips as a trail of goose bumps ran throughout my body. I couldn't get enough of his kisses, it's the way he would do it so gently though, it was indescribable.

Silence soon took over as Austin's breathing pattern got slower and slower indicating he was drifting off to sleep. His head was buried into my neck as his warm and cozy breath danced across it, I began to fall into this state of total comfortableness feeling completely at ease. Not long after, it was my turn to fall asleep.

* * *

The sun shun through the window directly onto my face making me sigh at the fact that there was no way I could get back to sleep. Taking my phone that was still rested by my side, I turned it on just to see that it was eight in the morning.

Why do I always have to wake up this early? I desperately questioned myself.

Closing my eyes, a string of memories from last night came flooding back into my head; from Sarah's house, to the game, to the kiss, to Austin and I sitting outside, to Cameron apologizing, to the movie, to Austin playing me a song right to the phone call I got at three in the morning. When I thought about it that way, it seemed like a lot to take in all at once and I had no idea how I managed to do it but it didn't take long for me to realize that what I had just said was a complete lie because I knew exactly how I managed to get through it. My answer was lying right by my side, sound asleep.

He was basically still in the same position he had fallen asleep except for his grip around me that wasn't as tight and he had moved his head up on the pillow.

Carefully turning myself around to face him so that I wouldn't wake him up, I started to admire him once more. His chest moved in a steady pattern as I watched it go up and down slowly, his lips rested in a straight line, his face was solemn of any facial expression what so ever and his posture all together looked so peaceful.

I couldn't help but think of what I would have done if I didn't have him. The way we treated me, the way he would open up to me, the way he would let me into his personal life, it was all I could ever ask for.

Trust, was the key to everything.

Bringing my right hand up to his cheek, I started to slowly stroke his hot yet extremely soft skin. The sun was piercing onto his back only letting a small shade of light hit his face but that was just enough for me to admire all of his flawless features.

He was so beautiful.

From his nose, to his lips, to his hair, to the light freckles scattered unevenly underneath his eyes, to the small indents on the side of his mouth, everything. I spotted every single thing on him and admired it. I never thought that it would be possible to find someone who was one hundred percent flawless but I guess I assumed wrong because right there, standing before my bare eyes, was what proved me wrong.

Leaning in as my hand still firmly rested on his cheek, I kissed the end of his nose wanting to feel that comforting sensation of his. Every touch felt different and made me feel a different way but the worst part of it all, I didn't know why. I had no idea. Colt never, ever made me feel in such a way I mean of course he made me feel good and all but with Austin, it was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though, it simply wasn't the same.

My forehead still only inches away from touching his, a sudden pulse went through my body as I felt myself become needy. His lips were right in front of me, waiting for me to kiss them but I couldn't; the temptation killing at my insides.

Pulling away all together, I rested back onto my side while looking at the wall across from me.

What's wrong with me? I wondered. I've never craved someone this much in my whole entire life and now I just can't seem to get enough.

It hits me like a ton of rocks and I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. And the worst part is that I got what I wanted last night; right before we went to bed but still, I wanted it again. No scratch that, I needed it.

My head was all up in a haze and I had no idea where I was going with all my thoughts. They were useless, pointless.

"Baby" I heard him call, brutally interrupting me from my nonstop-- constant rambling thoughts "What's wrong?"

I scowled in discomfort while crossing my arms over my stomach not understanding how he knew something was wrong, for all I knew, he was sleeping.

Did I speak out loud and not notice? No, I couldn't have. I know for a fact that I didn't.

"Tell me." He begged with his low yet raspy sleepy voice, shifting his whole body around as to he was now hovering over me, looking straight into my eyes.

"It's nothing." I huffed.

"Yes it is. I know something's wrong, I can feel it." He stressed before continuing on "Just- just please tell me. I need to know."

"Why do you always do this?"

"And why do you always have to make it so hard?" He sighed "You did this the first time we talked and it took you forever to tell me but you finally opened up after what seemed like forever while in reality it was only a few days, not even." Austin laid back down onto his side, his left hand cupping my right cheek as defeat read all over his face "I thought you trusted me."

Silence consumed the room as I felt myself slowly being sucked into this giant whole. Nothing else mattered anymore but the words that had just been spoken. I have his trust but does he have mine?

Of course he does, my mind pressed, you've told him things that no one else knows about and that just has to mean something, right? Why are you even second doubting yourself on this? You know he does.

Shaking my head away from my thoughts, I blankly stared up at him, my eyes meeting his pools of greens and yellows trying to figure out what to say or do. I felt like the biggest jerk ever for even doubting myself one second because I knew that if it was him in my position, he would've told me. Maybe at first he would've been hesitant but I knew he wouldn't have turned me down like I did. I guess I just wasn't used to the opening up on anything.

Over the past year, I've held everything in. Sure I've talked to Emma, Sarah and Cameron about lots of stuff but it just seemed like I had become a quieter and more reserved person even though I didn't want to. As much as I hate to admit it, the whole thing with Colt messed me up; it messed me up to the point that I didn't want to give anyone else a chance, I wanted nothing to do with dating ever again and I certainly didn't want to let anyone come into my life. I was pushing everyone away because I couldn't cope with the pain, I thought that everyone who cared about me was back stabbing me and playing in my back just like he did but truth was, they weren't. I tried moving on so many times but it never worked until now.

In the beginning, I was playing hard to get but that was just because I didn't want to cave in, I didn't want anyone in my life and I made it look like something completely different but the least he knew was that I was broken on the inside and still am. This constant battle kept going on until I finally decided to put everything aside; my emotions, my friends and most importantly my head. I thought that maybe if I went out of the box things would change and for once, I was right.

Shifting my eyes to the left to meet Austin's that were already staring, I carefully leaned in until our lips were inches apart, brushing against one another "Why would you say that? I do trust you."

"Then why do you hesitate every time I ask you something?"

"Because I'm not used to this," I backed away letting my gaze wander across the room "Austin, you know my story and you of all people should understand where I'm coming from with this. I have issues."

Taking my hand in his, he slowly shook his head "But I already told you, I'm not going to be that guy that's going to hurt you. I'm not Colt."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said."

I let out a chuckle "But how can you say that? We're not even going out nor are we even a couple so therefore you can't apply the term hurt into this situation."

"And who the hell said that?" He interjected "You can get hurt whether you're in a relationship or not and as much as you don't want to hear this, we are something and you can't even deny it for one second because I know you agree with me."

Ripping my hand away from his, I sat straight preparing myself to get off the bed "Oh now you're in my head and know what I'm thinking? You don't know anything, Austin. You keep assuming but your assumptions are all wrong." I let out a laugh "And yeah you're right, we are something and you wanna know what that something is? It's called fuck buddies." And with that said I got up but didn't manage to continue the task as Austin grabbed my wrist keeping me from doing so.

"Austin let go." I warned, my whole body fuming with rage. I have no idea where all of this came from but I was angry; angry against everything and everyone.

Noticing that he didn't do as asked, I clenched my fist trying to contain the anger that was rapidly building up by the second "Austin I said let-" And before I could even finish my sentence his lips came crashing into mine.

I scowled in annoyance to his behaviour and desperately tried to pull back but failed as he cupped both of my cheeks, keeping a steady hold of me. He pressed his lips harder to mine only deepening the kiss ever more so and I couldn't stop myself from kissing back. I didn't want to but he had me wrapped around his finger and there was no way I could get out.

Quickly, he took hold of the hem of my shirt and pulled it off of me, parting or lips for a mere second before reattaching them; not even giving me the time to breathe. Then, his tongue somehow managed to slip into my mouth as he took over the whole situation, taking complete dominance over me.

My body soon felt relaxed while his hands started to wander all around my naked torso until he reached my breast where he cupped both of them giving them a slight squeeze. A moan departed my mouth and soon enough, I was being pushed back onto the bed, Austin hovering over me.

Finally breaking the kiss, he moved over to my neck where he started to kiss the skin right bellow my ear, his tongue swirling in circles earning him yet another moan from myself and it's then when I felt my underwear being pulled off. He backed away slipping them off right to my ankles where he them threw them on the floor leaving me naked, his greedy eyes scanning all of my body. It didn't take long for him to slip off his boxers only to reveal his full length and then next thing I knew, my leg where being spread apart as he positioned himself right before my entrance.

Before he did so tough, he came back up and pressed his lips to mine one last time and it's then when I felt him come inside. He made sure he went slowly so that I could feel every inch of him and before I knew it, he was completely inside of me trusting at a steady pace. My hands were on his back while my nails dug into his skin trying to contain myself from the familiar sensation I loved so much; the friction building up as he went faster and faster. Before I knew it, I felt myself release and soon after he came out resting back onto my side; both of us out of breath.

"You were right, we are fuck buddies." He suddenly blurted out.

* * *

"You're unbelievable." I groaned.

"I know, now how about you tell me something I don't already know?"

"You're such a jerk," I said while opening the door to my house "You know that right?"

He shrugged as we walked inside my empty home "Eh, so I've been told." I let out a sigh not knowing how to deal with him. He absolutely insisted that we spend the day together, which I didn't really mind, and that's how we ended up at my place.

"Look, I'm gonna go take my shower so make yourself at home alright?" He nodded as I darted up stairs to my room then to the bathroom.

When I was all finished with my shower, I got dressed, put a light coat of makeup on and blew dried my hair as to it was straight but still had a bit of volume to it, just as I liked it.

Making my way back to my room, I could hear Austin's voice clearer and clearer which led me to assume that he was in my bedroom and just as I turned to corner, sure enough, he was spread across my bed talking on the phone. His voice was harsh though and he seemed annoyed as hell, a side of him that I've barely seen.

"How many times do I need to tell you that it's over?" He asked rolling his eyes. "Yeah I understand that but you're the one not listening to what I have to say. You keep talking and not giving me the chance to say my word."

"Yes I'm annoyed, you keep doing this to me all the time."

What is he talking about? I wondered. Who could he possibly be talking to that has him all worked up like this?

"Anyway I gotta go," He rubbed his face with the hand that wasn't holding the phone "Stop stalling and tell me then!"

I walked over to my closet opening it up to grab a sweater since it wasn't all that hot out today. I decided on a white hoodie that made perfect contrast with my dark coloured jeans. Pulling it over my head, I made my way in front of the mirror and fixed my hair just to turn my attention back to Austin who was looking everywhere but at me; still focused on his conversation.

"Alright I get it, now can I go?" And before I knew it, he had hung up letting out a growl of frustration. He rubbed his temples on the side of his head while closing his eyes at the same time.

As he was letting the frustration out, I was debating on whether I was going to ask him what that was about or not. I didn't want to get in his personal business but I was curious, I wanted to know what had gotten him in this state.

"What was that all about?" I managed to ask. His head shot up as he scanned my face that was in the complete opposite side of the room; he lying on my bed and I standing by my closet.

"My ex." Was all he said to make my throat go dry. I had no idea he still talked to his ex I mean, I guess I just assumed they didn't talk anymore because I didn't talk nor share any type or conversation with mine so it went the same for everyone else but I guess I underestimated that. But to hear that come out of his mouth made me feel weird, I couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling but it simply didn't sit right.

"She does it to me every time," He started "Once a week she calls me to tell me how sorry she is about cheating on me and how she misses me and all that other bullshit that rubs my nerves but what she doesn't get is that I don't want her. I'm maybe not over her but the one thing that's for sure is that I'm done with her."

It grew quiet as I listen to everything he had to say "I hate her. I honestly do." Austin confessed, now sitting up on the bed "I wish things were different but they aren't. I wish I could just get her out of my head but I can't. And the fact that she keeps calling me every week makes it all that worst because just when I thought I was done thinking about her and all, I hear her voice and her pleas and it makes me reminisce all the things that happened. It's a never ending circle." He shouted making me jump from the sudden outburst. I understood why he was frustrated though, if Colt was to do that to me I sure wouldn't be happy about it either.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Taylor" And it's then when I made my way over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, Austin still sitting on the bed wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Don't let her take over your anger," I pulled back my hands now holding his face "That's what she wants; to make you angry. Next time she calls, I'll handle it okay?"

His eyes found mine, a hint of amusement hidden within them "You wanna talk to her? Good luck with that, she's a bitch."

"Then that makes two of us." I shrugged flashing him an innocent smile.

"You're not a bitch, Madison."

"You'd be surprised."

He tilted his head to the side "Oh really?"

"Yup" I knowingly said "I may even be a bigger bitch then your ex herself."

"I don't believe it."

Spinning on my heels back to my closet, I shut the door close before turning back to face Austin "You better believe it baby!" I teased. But truth was, I wasn't joking. If I felt like it, I could be one heck of a bitch but I didn't show that side of me too often I mean after all, I didn't really have any reason to use it.

As Austin laughed at my response to his remark, I smiled at myself knowing that I had managed to get his mind off of her ex or even better, I had made him calm down. That's all I wanted.

Soon enough, we made our way down stairs as Austin flopped onto the couch and I went to the kitchen getting myself something to drink. "I really like your house." I heard him holler all the way across the room.

"You do?" I questioned in surprise, "I like yours better I mean, it feels more like-- home."

"Well your house is bigger so that's always a bonus." He stated.

"Yeah I know but still, yours is more inviting and stuff. Your mom knows how to decorate the place up to make it look all nice and friendly."

I then heard him laughing from the other side making me wonder what I had said to make him do so because last I checked, I hadn't said anything funny.

When his laugher finally came to an end, I heard a fainted "Whatever" and simply rolled my eyes ignoring his comment while talking my glass of juice and making my way back to the living room. And then as if just on cue, someone was knocking at the door. Settling my glass down so that I wouldn't drop it, I reached the door and slowly opened it wondering who could possibly be there but once I saw who it was, it was no surprise.